 Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Theolonius McTavish  |
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| Article Title :: NIFTY NAMES FOR NECTARS OF THE GODS |
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Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
NIFTY NAMES FOR NECTARS OF THE GODS
Or, do they really make wicked witty Wines from DeVines?
By Theolonius McTavish, a man of mirth and good cheer not to
mention a keen interest in finding just the right seasonal gift
for impossible people or those who appear to have everything.
If you're like me, you truly can't abide trundling through the
stores at this time of year hunting for just the right seasonal
gift for certain impossible people in your life, (you know
...the cantankerous cubicle colleague or feisty family member
you want to avoid at all costs).
Fear not there is a simple solution at hand in the form of
"naughty and nice" name (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Steve Sommers |
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| Article Title :: Evil Super-Villains need Love, Too |
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I just saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night.
Really cool movie. By far the best of the lot. But, of course,
the movie gets to the climax where Harry comes face to face with
his nemesis Lord Voldemort in a scary graveyard and they have a
Wizard's duel and Harry is down on the ground where Lord
Voldemort could deliver the coup de Grace. And what does Lord
Voldemort do instead of slaying the foe he has pursued all of
these years?
That's right. He gloats. He goes into a big, long tedious
speech, which gives Harry the opportunity of scheming his way
out of it and then the evil lord loses. Again. Why don't these
guys ever figure it out? If you got the good guy on the ropes
just sh (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Rudy Vener |
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| Article Title :: Rhymes With Love |
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This latest poem actually came about when I was working on a
commission for a client and my editor refused to let me get away
with a line that rhymed "glove" and "love".
That's what editors are for, to catch us out in our moments of
weakness and insanity when we try to get away with literary
malfeasance.
She was right of course, but I decided I'd have my revenge, and
here it is:
Rhymes With Love
Of all the problems poets face,
There's one that stands in center place,
When it comes to push or shove,
The paucity of rhymes for love.
With every passing day and year,
It constantly grows more severe.
You need to talk about a dove,
Just so you have your rhyme for love.
(read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Nola Kelsey |
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| Article Title :: Bat Ejection Techniques - Country Survival Course #27 |
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People lie! They lie about the bliss of rural relocation. They
lie about the size of fish they catch. They lie about being
there for you. But, mostly, they lie about bats! Such a silly
thing, yet no one can admit the ugly truth. "Bats only come into
your house. It never happens to me," friends say. Liars!
Evidence to the contrary exists. Bat visitations have occurred
regularly in all three of my country homes. Each was a different
style house, in a different town with different surroundings. No
way am I the only person this is happening to! I'll believe the
annual summer bat inundation isn't a part of normal life when
butter is fat free and Smucky's Electric gets back to me with
that wirin (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Deanna Mascle |
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| Article Title :: Turkey Trot Trivia Quiz |
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1. Most folks know that Americans celebrate a Thanksgiving Day,
but they aren't alone. What event is celebrated in The Virgin
Islands on Oct. 25?
A. A Thanksgiving Day to rejoice in the end of the hurricane
season
B. A Thanksgiving Day to celebrate the end of the harvest season
C. A Thanksgiving Day to mark the beginning of the harvest season
D. There is no such event except in The QuizQueen's imagination.
A. A Thanksgiving Day to rejoice in the end of the hurricane
season
QQ: The Virgin Islands observe a Thanksgiving Day on Oct. 25 to
rejoice in the end of the hurricane season. That is certainly
something to celebrate alright!
2. Where did turkeys come from?
A. Turkey
B. Europe
(read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Joe DeClara |
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| Article Title :: People are just machines. |
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It's amazing how similar we are to machines. We have jobs that
we are designed to be able to complete easily, and we do just
that. It may seem simple to us, but have you ever watched a cat
try to turn a doorknob? Have you ever tried to jump up to the
top of your china cabinet in a single bound? If you just tried
to accomplish that one, try shrinking yourself to one-tenth your
current size and try again, even harder right? We are designed
to do specific things, just like machines.
We're not talking Darwin here, why we are designed the way we
are is not what I'm investigating here. Whether we randomly have
opposable thumbs, or if God put them there, whether we beat
other similar species beca (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Mike Moore |
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| Article Title :: Brighten Your Day and Enlighten Your Life |
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George Bernard Shaw once said that if you find something funny
search it for hidden truth. Here are few pearls of wisdom
packaged in humour. Enjoy.
1. You wouldn't worry what people thought about you if you only
knew how seldom they did.
2. To expect life to treat you fairly because you're a good
person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you're
a vegetarian.
3 .Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to
do, but won't get you anywhere.
4. Pain and suffering are a lot like gas....they too shall pass.
5. Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be
paid back.
6. Anyone who says that swimming is good for the figure has
never taken a (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Deanna Mascle |
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| Article Title :: Christmas Quiz |
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1. Which Christmas tree fact is NOT true?
A. Artificial Christmas trees have outsold real ones every year
since 1991.
B. Nova Scotia leads the world in exporting Christmas trees.
c. Franklin Pierce was the first president to decorate an
official White House Christmas tree.
D. The Christmas tree was chosen to represent this holy holiday
because it's shape points the way to heaven.
1. Which Christmas tree fact is NOT true?
D. The Christmas tree was chosen to represent this holy holiday
because it's shape points the way to heaven.
QQ: OK, so maybe it's true, but the QuizQueen can't prove that
fact, as reasonable as it sounds, because it wasn't in any of
the literature she dug up for th (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Jack |
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| Article Title :: Family Guy - Biography Of Peter Griffin. |
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Peter Griffin is one of the funniest, probably the most
important characters in the cartoon animation series of 'Family
Guy'. He is a Nice, Funny, Fat ass character, who is not afraid
of spreading the word of his mind in to the world and change
everybody's world. Peter's mind is 2X smaller then Homer Simpson
and he is 2X fatter then Homer. He has no idea what he is doing
or where he is. If it wasn't for Louis, his wife he would be out
of his job, his house and would have no life. He does many
stupid things that homer wouldn't. He always makes mistakes in
his life and loses everything but later says 'Sorry' and gets
back with his family. He has a very strange mind and thinks of
easy steps to (read full article) |
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| Category :: Humor Articles |
Author :: Nola L. Kelsey |
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| Article Title :: Clothesline Fresh - Country Myth Breaker # 17 |
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Clothesline fresh, country fresh scent, smells like a country
garden, those of us from the city have all seen our share of
country clad laundry soap commercials. The token red barn glows
in the distance. Closer in, clothes adorn the line.
Each piece is so straight and evenly spaced you'd believe a team
of sophomore geometry students hung them as their final class
projects. Even more perfect, the lightest of breezes launches an
'oh so soft' billow along the stain free front row.
Even I think, who wouldn't want their clothes to be clothesline
fresh? And, don't those people own underwear? Ahhhh! I use my
clothesline. I must. There is not a man in the five-state region
willing to rise (read full article) |
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