| A young girl sees her father in the shower... |
A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?" |
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| The definition of a phallic symbol |
This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "Whats a failic symbol?Doctor says "you're kidding.."Girl says "no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is afailic symbol!"Girl says "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller" |
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| This guy walks in to a bathroom... |
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a signthat says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". Sothe guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it. |
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| Condom Modelling Rejection |
Condom Modelling Rejection TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269Dear John Doe,We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.Yours very truly,Burley Dick, PresidentTROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.VD/abcP.S. Remember our slogans:Cover your stump before you hump.Don't be silly, protect your Willie.Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it! |
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| A man walks into a pub... |
The following was contributed by Emil:A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have alarge whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. "Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second. He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in totalhe downs 27 whiskeys. "Do you want another?" asks the barman. "No I don't think so", says the man, "If 27 whiskeys won't take away the tasteI don't think that another one will!" |
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| Paying bills |
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a prettygirl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?""Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk."That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, thenheld it out teasingly.The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little oldman standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled. |
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| Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro... |
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviouslymuch better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'."The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club memberswere amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100."What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeingup for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his handbetween my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you evertried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?" |
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| Good fortune |
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG ! He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG ! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: OPEN ! Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO ! Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino. The deep voice says: ROULETTE ! So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: 27 ! He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stops at the 26. The deep voice says: SHIT ! |
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| The blind date had not been all that great and... |
The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes ? |
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| Mirror, mirror |
Mirror, mirror A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash and both his legs fall off. |
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