| Presidential Debate Drinking Game
|| Since I couldn?t find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself. There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush. Part A ? Either Candidate Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says?.. a. Iran b. Iraq c. North Korea d. Afghanistan e. Sudan f. Libya g. Axis of Evil h. Gay Marriage i. United Nations j. Tax Cuts Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says?? a. Saddam Hussein b. Osama Bin Ladden c. Al Qaeda d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction f. Homeland Security g. Nuclear Proliferation h. If either candidate doesn?t answer the question given to them i. If either candidate goes over the time limit per question (flashing red light) Part B ? George W. Bush Have a small drink or a gulp of beer If George W. Bush says?.. a. Uhhh?.. b. If George Bush stutters c. Florida d. Mentions anything about the Alliance in Iraq e. Tony Blair f. Dick Cheney g. Terrorist or Terrorism Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if George W. Bush?? a. Miss-pronounces ?nuclear? b. Mentions a John Kerry ?Flip Flop? c. Mentions anything else about John Kerry?s voting record d. Says ?War on Terra? e. Says ?Evil-Doers? f. Says anything connecting Saddam Hussein to the September 11th attacks g. Commits a ?Bushism? ? meaning he says something that doesn?t make any sense Chug a bottle of Bacardi 151 if George W. Bush a. Chokes on a pretzel Part C ? John Kerry Have a small drink or a gulp of beer If John Kerry says?.. a. [Any Number] Billion Dollars b. Mentions anything about his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry c. Four More Years d. Anything about the economy e. No Child Left Behind f. Last Resort g. Mentions anything about how many troops have been killed in Iraq h. John Edwards Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if John Kerry?? a. Mentions ?Mission Accomplished? b. Mentions anything about Vietnam c. Mentions anything about Purple Hearts d. Mentions anything about George W. Bush?s service in the National Guard e. Mentions anything about Bush administration ?misjudgments? f. Mentions anything about unemployment or loss of jobs under the Bush administration
| Made in Canada
|| President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!""Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister."I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?""Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien."Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton."Oui?""Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton."No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms."I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica.""Consider it done," said the President of Trojan."Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter.""Easily done. Anything else?""Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
| Iraqi tv-guide
|| Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY8:00 Husseinfeld8:30 Mad About Everything9:00 Suddenly Sanctions9:30 Allah McBealTUESDAY8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution BloopersWEDNESDAY8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy9:00 Just Shoot Me9:30 VeilwatchTHURSDAY8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses9:30 My Two BaghdadsFRIDAY8:00 Judge Saddam8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things9:00 Achmed's Creek9:30 No-witness News
| Russian War College
|| At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough Jews"?
| Taliban Tank
|| How do you stop a taliban tank ?Shoot the Guy Pushing it
| George W. Bush at a press conference
|| A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: "Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.""That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"
| Campaign Slogans for George W
|| 1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me. 7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.
| George W - College Days
|| George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems."Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college.""It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."
| Abortion Bill
|| Did ya hear what President Clinton had to say about the Abortion Bill? Ah thought ah paid it!
| Hillary and Bill at baseball game
|| Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."
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