Chores done Time for a beer I should cut back Maybe next year. Tires crunching gravel Engage parking brake Will tired feet to travel I have thirst to slake. Bright outside, inside dim Eyes adjust Disinhibited shouts, the usual din Here and there, a smattering of lust. Bartender, sleeves rolled up Looking at me and […]

The post Sunday At The Bar appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Fall, my favorite season Fires chlorophyllous, riotous, Swirling as kids rustle about Hiding in leaves.  Familial conscripts raking   Chafing against Sisyphean task Hedges color snared  Trees haltingly immodest.  Trick or Treat  The hobgoblins innocent plaint Mercantile pumpkin spice, cloying sweet Radiators pinging in the night.  Attic exchange Swapping old clothes  For the cold new time’s […]

The post So Goeth Before the Fall appeared first on Waiter Rant.

To the members of UAW Local 2069: I don’t think you can realize how much of an inspiration you are to how many people. The battle you’re fighting goes far beyond the immediate issues. We’re living in a world where you can’t open your eyes without seeing a cause for despair: the pandemic, first of … Continue reading An Open Letter to Volvo Truck Workers in Dublin, Virginia

Once upon a time a man named Barry Goldwater appeared on the political scene. And the radical cried, “Danger! A fascist!” And the people came running, but they saw that, actually, he was just a right-wing authoritarian, and he was making no effort to build a mass movement based on violence and terror in order … Continue reading A Totally Original Parable Not Derived From Anything Else Really

If you strip away the rhetorical flourishes, here is what we are told every day: 1) If you aren’t Jewish, you may not disagree when I say something is antisemitic. 2) Any objection to the genocide being carried out against Palestinians is antisemitic. If you disagree, see 1). 3) Therefore, you must either admit to … Continue reading Subjectivity, Objectivity, and Political Action

The 1872 presidential election (Ulysses Grant vs Horace Greeley) represented the last time progressive change was  brought about through a national election. Since then, progressive change has either been forced by mass action (Women’s suffrage, Welfare, Social Security, Unemployment insurance, Civil Rights, Gay rights, &c) or been a small part of a bill the bulk … Continue reading A Brief Note on the Power and Limits of Propaganda

Well, after 15 years of using this new fangled "Twitter" thing for microblogging, that's enough of that. Back to normal ranting. (For the record, this is not a rant about twitter, it's about me and the internet over the last thirty... years... oh geeze, it's been that long?) When Twitter was just a new thing, i kinda liked the idea of using it for quick micro blogging (since i was such a slacker about writing rants) so i added two new twitter acc...

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One thing ive found myself doing lately now that im sorta 'well fuck that twitter shit' is i am rambling on a LOT more when i type stuff. This can be viewed as a good or bad thing. Maybe for me it's not a bad thing. It's a bit like working in a 4 panel comic format. You can do a lot with a four panel setup, almost the first entire chapter of MT is all 4 panel. It has its own kinda pacing, setup, delivery, variables, etc. But there are things i can...

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Chapter 13: "Redemption" comic 1609
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I remember the days when a week could go by and you wouldn’t even register the fact that we had a president, much less be aware of some stupid thing that he had said or done.  Unfortunately the past four years that hasn’t happened.  It seems not a week has gone by where Trump hasn’t found a

Continue Reading "FREAK OUT FRIDAY – September 25, 2020" →

7:51: Right wingers are already saying that Biden 1) already knows all the questions and 2) is taking drugs. There are, to my knowledge, no performance enhancing drugs for mental awareness, and *I* know what the questions will be. 7:52: I’m still convinced that Trump will ignore the social distancing rule and immediately come over

Continue Reading "Live Blogging the first Presidential debate" →

We will not laugh. This is serious business. We are * heh * we are adults here and we will not laugh at the situation.  There are * heh heh * there are lives on the line and we will not chuckle, guffaw or otherwise spread any sense of amusement over the… …the… BWWAAAAAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHHHHHHAAAAA Ha. Okay.  Okay,

Continue Reading "FREAK OUT FRIDAY – OCTOBER 2, 2020" →

It’s astounding how election day seems to both be speeding toward us and simultaneously taking its own freaking sweet time.  As fast as it’s moving, it’s also taking forever.  We are becoming that desperate to get Trump out of office that every day he’s still there seems like ten. It’s also been ten days since Trump came

Continue Reading "FREAK OUT FRIDAY – October 8, 2020" →

I did as I said I would:  I watched “Supernatural,” and don’t regret it for a moment.  I then tuned in to watch the last half hour of Biden:  he seemed natural, relaxed, and sane. Then, in order to write this column, I sat down and watched the Trump town hall on Youtube.    I am producing this commentary

Continue Reading "FREAK OUT FRIDAY – October 16, 2020" →

8;18: Currently watching “Supernatural.” Feeling very relaxed. That’s gonna change. 8:59; Please don’t let Biden screw up. 9:03: So I wonder how long it will be before Trump tries shouting over Biden’s mic. 9:05: Oh yeah. I’m sure Trump will let Biden speak. 9:05: And literally the first sentence out of his mouth is a

Continue Reading "Final Presidential debate" →

We have neighbors down the street with whom we had developed a sort of tradition.  Every year we’d go over to their house on New Year’s Eve.  We’d celebrate the end of the old year, watch the ball drop in Times Square.  I’d sing “Edelweiss” for some reason because the wife loved the way I did that song.  It

Continue Reading "FREAK OUT FRIDAY – October 30, 2020" →

This or any DORK TOWER strip is now available as a signed, high-quality print, from just $25!  CLICK HERE to find out more! HEY! Want to help keep DORK TOWER going? Then consider joining the DORK TOWER Patreon and ENLIST IN THE ARMY OF DORKNESS TODAY! (We have COOKIES!) (And SWAG!) (And GRATITUDE!)

While I do not think that the internet necessarily needs another recipe for burnt Basque cheesecake, it turns out I did. And since you’re stuck with me for as long as you’re here, pull up a chair, because we can’t get enough of this one.

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Even though my kids are not yet on summer break and even though I, as an adult, do not have a thing called a summer break, I’ve apparently helped myself to one. I’m sneaking off to the beach on weekdays (oops), reading novels, gorging myself on cherries and crisp-from-the-market cucumbers, playing midday tennis like a lady who lunches, and getting vexed when I receive work-related emails and texts. [“Alex, why are they texting me on a Sunday?” “Deb, it’s Tuesday.”]

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Last summer, when my younger child joined my older child at sleepaway camp for a month for the first time, leaving us unmoored and a little restless, we made a list of restaurants we’d been meaning to try and friends we don’t see enough and took this task on like it was our job. I barely cooked once. By the end of the third week, everything hurt and we realized our template for a child-free life (going out late, cocktails on weeknights, and generally behaving despicably) was based on our age and energy level when we were last child-free, which (I’m sorry as this fact seems to upset you guys as much as it does his actual parents) was almost 15 years ago.

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If you were to make a multi-part Venn diagram combining my favorite salad things, you could nestle this right in the center. It’s one part wedge salad, the fork and steak knife kind, something I am so into I talked my podcast co-host Kenji (okay, it wasn’t hard) into dedicating a whole episode to it. And it contains cabbage, and not just cabbage but Napa cabbage, which I think deserves more credit as a salad green. [This can be convenient to know as it often comes in heads large enough to feed a small family for a week.] Napa cabbage is a little leafy, a little crunchy, and yet kind of juicy too and I’ve used it, sliced thin, in everything from this Italian-style salad to a classic Caesar.
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Ever heard of Stanley Stinkbug? 

 Yeah, me neither. 

 Apparently he's a children's character who looks like this:

As far as anthropomorphic bugs go, I guess he's not TOO terrifying. I'd put him somewhere between Heimlich the caterpillar and Hopper the evil grasshopper: Not a bug you'd want to cuddle, exactly, but that probably wouldn't make you run screaming from the room, either. Plus the neckerchief is fun.

Anyhoo, of course - of course - bakers have been asked to make cake versions of Stanley, and of course some of those bakers have done so... poorly.

The good news is today's baker was only asked to do a flat illustration on a cupcake cake (patooie!), which is a running head start, right? No molding or sculpting, just a picture. Heck, they could even print one out!

So what do you think, did they make Stanley's eyes all wonky? Is his scarf the wrong color, is he missing some legs? Oh! I know! I bet... you just want me to just show you the cake, don't you.

 Fine.

 BEHOLD!

Actual footage of my reaction:

Also now this gif is blocking my view of the cake, so... BONUS.

Now, before I nope right out of here, I'd like to point out that the baker CLEARLY thought management wanted an actual stinkbug cake for the display case, but never thought to ask A) WHY DEAR LORD WHY, or B) why it was named Stanley. 

 I mean, c'mon, you get told to draw a random bug named Stanley, tell me you wouldn't add some glasses and a sweater vest. That's just common sense.

Also, is this the sort of bakery where random horrific requests are this common? Was the baker asked to make a "Tiffany Tapeworm" last week, so Mr. Stinkbug was par for the course?

::dares to scroll up briefly to see the cake again::

K, last question: Did the baker think putting the giant semi-realistic stinkbug on a bed of lettuce... was helping??

Aaaaand I'M OUT.

Thank you(?), Emily S. I do not approve.
*****

P.S. After my crack about cuddle-worthy bugs, naturally I had to go see if I could find some. And I gotta say, the ant? ADORABLE:

Plush Bugs
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

October is Pizza Month, minions, so this is a great time to go over a few reminders.

 Ahem hem hem.

Bakers, repeat after me.

"Pizza crust is not shiny."


Bakers repeating en masse: "Pizza crust is not shiny."

"Pizza crust is not held aloft by piles of poop."

"Pizza crust is not held aloft by piles of poop."

"If people can't tell my cakes are supposed to be pizzas, then I should stop making pizza cakes."

"If people can't..."

Bakers' Spokesperson, interrupting: "But what if we printed the pizza on the cake?"

::brief silence::

"No."

"What if we make the cake a slice of pizza?"

"NO."

"What if we made the cake brownies instead of cake?"

"HOW IS THAT BETTER"

"Ok, ok, fine. We won't make pizza cake."

"Excellent! Wait. Why am I suddenly nervous?"

"BOOYAH!!!!"

::sigh::

"I'm out."

Thanks to Anony M.,  Robyn, Heidi L., Carole D., Anony M., & Bartley I., for giving us a hand. Also are those pickles? Because I would totally eat pickles on pizza. Just me? 

*****
Here's an extra toasty way to celebrate Pizza Month:

Double-Sided Pizza Throw Blanket

It's hard to put a price on a blanket that makes you believe you ARE a pizza, but apparently the going rate is about $27. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Wrecky minion Aryn took this photo October 23rd:

OCTOBER 23RD.

So this bakery is selling Christmas cakes two major holidays before Christmas. Which would be awesome for pranking that friend who passed out after drinking too much, but otherwise... da heck?

 

And if you think Christmas Creep is bad, wait'll you see Easter Creep:

A pink Easter Egg cake... made October 19th.

Because it's never too early to stock up on "decorated" egg cakes in October, you guys.

 

It actually gets worse when bakeries try to be seasonally appropriate:

Orange icing + crappy turtle pancake = "Fall!"

 

White pointy-headed "ghosts" + anything = FAIL!

Seriously, let's talk about all the ways this is a bad idea.

Oh yes, please, put them on white cupcakes. THAT HELPS SO MUCH.

 

Speaking of not helping, let's talk creepy clowns.

This was also spotted last week.

::shudder::

 

Although at least the clown is recognizable. What about this thing?

It was out last week, so... Dapper Halloween Alien? Count Unibrow? Evil Mystic Muppet?

Oooh, "Evil Mystic Muppet" would be an awesome band name.

 

Thanks to Aryn W., Elizabeth C., Robbie C., Anony M., Julie R., Alexa M., & Jenny E for reminding us it's just two more months 'til Christmas.

*****

The only way I approve of celebrating Christmas this early is by wearing one of these:

Unisex Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Look closely at the "chestnuts" on the right, bahaha. There are tons more to choose from at the link, so happy browsing.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sittin' in the morning sun

(oops)

I like wreckin' 'til the evening comes!

 

Stuffin' some flotsam in.

Grab another cake and do it again.

Yeah...

 

I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay.

I thought that's what they wanted to say!

Oooo -oo -oo -ooo

I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay...

Meh, looks fine. (Hiiii-iiine.)

 

The cake you want'll bore ya.

Thought I'd go a disco way.

 

I got nothin' against George.

It's just I'm tired of frosting him all day.

So...

I'm thinkin' they'll be dockin' my pay.

No one could read the French, anyway!

Ooh!

Maybe they'll be dockin' my pay...

Nah, it's fine.

 

Thankfully, our faithful Wreckporters -- Laurel G., Anna C., Kate P., Stacey W., Sammi K., Kathryn R., Bath C., Sylvie C., and Teresa P. -- weren't wasting time. Now, I think I'm supposed to end this with harmonic whistling, so here goes...

::whistles badly for 3 seconds::

Nope, hang on, I found a prettier option:

A rainbow whistling tea kettle? YES PLEASE.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Barb E. asked for Navy icing:

She got it.

 

Cindy M. just wanted the initial "G" for her 14-year-old daughter - but I guess that was TOO simple?

 

Jen and Pete asked the bakery to include paper plates and plastic silverware.

 

Pauline ordered a cake that said, "I hate you for leaving!"

...but sure, that's close enough.

 

Holli T. wanted the number 10 written as a number: "you know, with double digits."

Part of me hopes Alexis gets a great nickname outta this.

 

Charli C. made the mistake of telling her bakery who the cake was for:

THANKS, GUYS.

 

And finally, Jared C. asked for rainbow sprinkles.

How do you mess up rainbow sprinkles?

Oh, like this:

Thanks to Barb E., Cindy M., Jen & Pete, Pauline R., Holli T., Charli C., & Jared C. for the head bangers.

*****

Let's keep the Failure celebration going! The Bloggess called this book "freaking hilarious," so that's enough for me:

Confessions of a Domestic Failure: A Book About A Not-So-Perfect Mom

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Happy Halloween, minions! Let’s go out with a bang, shall we? :D

Bakeries get a lot of leeway this time of year, since Halloween is supposed to have ugly gross stuff:

 

But there's raspberry jam soaked zombie faces, and then there's... uh... this:

Took me a solid minute to figure it out:

A banana shooting laser beams.

(I am SO GOOD AT THIS, you guys.)

 

Yep, bakers are once again trying to collectively punk the world, churning out ridiculous Halloween designs each more baffling than the last:

Aliens? Amoebas?
This guy?

 

I actually see this design a lot:

The angry toilet paper has sprouted arms, and is pulling itself to freedom.

 

While this roll vows revenge on airbrushes everywhere:

"I am not 'pretty,' I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?"

 

Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident.
Because if THAT doesn't say "Happy Halloween"... then don't worry 'cuz the board does:

 

For some reason ghost sperm are always a big seller this time of year:

They look kinda confused, though, right?
Like they can't tell if they're coming or going.

[HEYO.]

 

Also confused? Me, after looking at this thing:

They managed to get icing absolutely everywhere except on top of the cupcakes.
Now that's scary.

 

And finally, a possessed stove burner:

Because haunted appliances are SO hot right now.

("It burns. IT BURRRRNS!")

 Have fun tonight, gang! Remember, this is the one night of the year when it’s OK to have candy for dinner, so take FULL advantage.

There's a ghost of a chance Brittany D., Carrie, Ginny V., Karen S., Megan S., Karrie T., Jennifer K., Jennifer R., & Shannon T. will be ordering out tonight. You're welcome, ladies!

******

P.S. Today's TP ghost cakes led me to the best home accessory ever:

THIS, my friends, is a "Talking Toilet Paper Spindle." You record your own message, which it will play back when your guests spin the roll. [rubbing hands together evilly] I can't wait to use this baby at our next Christmas party.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

And now, as a service to our readers' dieting endeavors:

7 MORE Things That Should Never Be On Cake

7. Anything that looks like a spleen

Also, why is the spleen the go-to organ for icky descriptions? You never hear someone say, "Hey, that organesque thing sure looks like a gallbladder!" Which begs the questions: is "organesque" a word? 'Cuz if not, it totally should be.

6. Shrimp

Because shrimp.

5. Nipples

Hey, don't get me wrong; nipples are great. Heck, I even have one myself. But cake should not have nipples. It just shouldn't. And the fact that I had to bring that sentence into the world makes me seriously question the direction this country is going.

4. Ants

Because anything I spend time and money trying to kill should not be something I have to pick off my cake.

3. Actual Feathers Plucked From Actual Birds

Let me get this straight: you jammed real feathers into the icing you expect me to eat?

So how about I fetch a beaver pelt and throw that sucker on there, too? Because if there's one thing we've learned about cake decorating, it's that animal outsides are both appetizing and completely sanitary!

2. Mold

BAKERS WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

1. Back hair

Actually, this is kind of hilarious.

Assuming those are chocolate shavings, of course.

***

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS.

Thanks to wreckporters Kathryn B., Kerrigan W., Ashlee, Kelly G., Rocky J., Tami F., & Anony M. for the inspiration to just have a salad today.

I know we've all been tempted sometimes, minions, but these people actually did it.

UP TOP!

ON THE TRAY!

IN THE FLAY!

Er, flag. She meant flag. But I guess this works.

And extra credit to the teacher who did NOT tell her baker where to stick it, but instead handed over a notepad with all her kids' names on it, so the baker could just copy them on to the cake.

Sadly, the baker stuck it anyway:

Right where the sun won't shine!

(You know, because they're inside.)

Thanks to Annie, Trinity L., Kaye P., & Molly H. for teaching us all a lesson on following directions.

Also teachers, if you're looking for a new notepad, I'm really liking these:

Everything Is Fine Notepads

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

This guest review comes from Lisa! A longtime romance aficionado and frequent commenter to SBTB, Lisa is a queer Latine critic with a sharp tongue and lots of opinions. She frequently reviews at All About Romance and Women Write About Comics, where she’s on staff, and you can catch her at @thatbouviergirl on Twitter. There, she shares good reviews, bracing industry opinions and thoughtful commentary when she’s not on her grind looking for the next good freelance … Continue reading If I Stopped Haunting You by Colby Wilkens →

If you’ve noticed CloudFlare verifying that you’re human, that’s because I had to enable extra security because of a DDOS attack. I also woke up to 1500+ spam email messages sent through contact forms on the site, too. The poor server is having A Time of it. At least it’s not Tuesday, I guess? Then I’d have all those dildos to contend with. (Also: every time I see that cover, my brain wants to read … Continue reading Just a Little DDOS Fun, Dildos, and Finding the Mystery Cowboy →

In this week’s podcast episode, we’re looking at the glorious  ads and features for the October/November 1988 issue of RT Magazine. Thank you to Amy M. for this issue! You can also find all the RTRW content at our category page for Romantic Times Rewind.  If you want to listen and follow along with this entry, we have more detail in the audio, but you can click play and listen and read and absorb all … Continue reading Romantic Times Rewind: October 1988 Ads & Features →

It’s time for the Ads & Features of the October 1988 (!!) issue of Romantic Times Magazine. Y’all. We’ve got: Vintage gossip! Blind items that are very easy to guess! Danielle Steel’s two blue Mercedes! Fuchsia covers with giant flowers and startled animals! Riverboat gambler romance heroes! And a truly paltry obituary for an extraordinary author. It’s 1988. Fuchsia. So much fuchsia. Blanket content warning for romances written in the late 80s. Be ready for … Continue reading 637. RT Rewind October 1988 Ads & Features →

Welcome to Book Beat! Book Beat aims to highlight other books that we may hear about through friends, social media, or other sources. We could see a gorgeous ad! Or find a new-to-us author on a list of underrated romances! Think of Book Beat as Teen Beat or Tiger Beat, but for books. And no staples to open to get the fold-out poster.

This week’s bestseller list is brought to you by sweet and salty snacks, a weighted heating pad, and our affiliate sales data!

OverDrive is the company that provides a lot of digital content to libraries. If you’ve borrowed an ebook or an audiobook in Libby,  or read a magazine in Kanopy, that’s OverDrive. It seems there is some AI weirdness with audiobook narration on OverDrive, and the narrator is only part of the story. On Monday, October 14, librarian Robin Bradford posted on Bluesky that she’d purchased an AI audiobook for her library system and she was … Continue reading AI Audiobook Narrators in OverDrive and the Issue of Library AI Circulation Policy →

Happy Tuesday! A bit of a bite-sized Hide Your Wallet this week, with one release leftover from late last week that I neglected to include. I can hardly believe October is nearly over! Time to consult my November TBR pile, so it doesn’t sneak up on me. Which releases are you excited about this week? Let us know in the comments!

This HaBO comes from Kiruthika, who is trying to find this Mills & Boon romance. Content warning for mentions of abuse and rape: It’s a 70s or 80s Mills and Boon that my mom had that I sneakily read as a 12 year old! The cover was white with a couple embracing, fair haired woman and darker haired man. He’s described to be lion like in movement and has tawny eyes. I remember that part … Continue reading HaBO: He’s Described as a Lion with Tawny Eyes →

Death at Morning House is a YA that’s part historical mystery, part haunted house story. I enjoyed it, but I kept getting pulled out of the story because it seemed wildly implausible to me that the kids in the book were as unsupervised as they were. In the present day, Marlowe Wexler is struggling with teenage awkwardness and realizing her own queer identity. When the book opens, she’s house-sitting for a friend of the family … Continue reading Death at Morning House by Maureen Johnson →

It’s time! Smart Bitches After Dark is open to everyone for registration! You can register now! Come on in, the mayhem is delightful! You might have seen our first After Dark posts go up the past two Sundays, with a link to register, but this is the Official Announcement. Mostly because I used Capital Letters. We already have over 100 members of the community registered, and it’s going to be a LOT of fun. You can … Continue reading Smart Bitches After Dark is Open for Registration! →

Welcome back, everyone! We’re having a string of warmer weather in New England and it’s really harshing my fall vibes. I also keep seeing photos or reels of people I know receiving “boo baskets.” Is anyone else familiar? It’s like an Easter basket, but for Halloween. And I kind of love it? I floated the idea by my partner and I was surprised that they wanted to exchange some. Their reasoning is that we’ve been … Continue reading Links: Public Libraries, Lord of the Rings, & More →

Strange Beasts is so much fun that the minute I finished the book, I downloaded the audio for my husband to listen to. This is a paranormal adventure meets gothic mystery with a sapphic love story intertwined in all of that. It has shades of Penny Dreadful, non stop action, and it’s just a blast to read. The novel takes place in an alternate Victorian era where paranormal creatures openly exist with human beings. Sam … Continue reading Strange Beasts by Susan J. Morris →

Here is a news report that absolutely dropped my jaw: the Tribal Alliance Against Frauds (TAAF) has released a report that debut romance author Colby Wilkens, whose bio says she is of Choctaw and Cherokee descent, has no Native ancestry.  The TAAF “is an intertribal anti-fraud non-profit whistleblower organization comprised of allies and citizens of Tribes whose sovereignty has been formally acknowledged.” Wilkens is the author of If I Stopped Haunting You, which released last week … Continue reading Tribal Alliance Against Frauds Says Colby Wilkens is Not Indigenous →

Tara Scott, staff writer at SBTB and co-host of the Queerly Recommended podcast, is in the interviewer’s chair, asking Amanda and me questions about Smart Bitches After Dark, our new community support wing. We talk about what After Dark is, and also about the larger enshittification of different parts of the internet, and how we navigate that as a 20 year old blog. Yay blogs! I was really nervous about being interviewed, and I hope … Continue reading 638. Smart Bitches After Dark – Tara interviews Sarah & Amanda →

Happy Saturday and welcome back to Whatcha Reading! Here’s how we’re wrapping up October: Lara: To quote my psychiatrist, ‘pregnancy is a potent and unique stressor’ so I’ve temporarily abandoned my ARCs and I’ve started a reread of Murderbot. Ten out of ten! Shana: There’s no better comfort than a Murderbot reread. I just finished a m/m Beauty and the Beast retelling, Briarley by Aster Glenn Gray, where the father who finds the cursed castle … Continue reading Whatcha Reading? October 2024, Part Two →