To mark 250 years since British explorers landed in Australia for the first time, authorities are planning to unveil new memorials at Captain James Cook's landing site in Botany Bay, while a replica Endeavour sailing vessel will circumnavigate Australia – when Covid-19 restrictions allow. But one Aboriginal elder, who grew up on the shores of Botany Bay and has spent years involved in the resurrection of his Indigenous Dharawal culture, explains why Aboriginal people will not be celebrating

• Paul Daley: Commemorating James Cook’s arrival, Australia should not omit his role in the suffering that followed

With comedy festivals cancelled around the world, Amazon Prime is releasing 10 original Australian standup specials to tide you over. Filmed at Melbourne's Malthouse theatre during the Before Times, the biweekly series has featured names like Celia Pacquola, Zoë Coombs Marr and Dilruk Jayasinha – with Tom Gleeson and Anne Edmonds  coming up soon. A few minutes of each is being published exclusively on Guardian Australia, and this week we have the exceptionally odd new show from Tom Walker, which was directed by Zoë Coombs Marr.

• The full version of Tom Walker's Very Very is released today. Amazon Prime is offering a 30-day free trial here

Corporate watchdog’s move comes after a court earlier banned Mayfair 101 from advertising two other products

The corporate watchdog is looking into a new investment product issued by Mayfair 101, the group that has bought the cyclone-ravaged Dunk Island resort, after alleging in court that it had misled people by comparing its previous offerings to bank term deposits.

On Thursday, the Australian Securities and Investments Commission issued a general warning against advertisements that compare fixed-interest products to bank term deposits as part of a broader crackdown on potentially misleading marketing by investment groups.

Australian National Audit Office evidence to Senate appears to contradict Morrison’s claim that he provided no authorisation

The prime minister’s office asked Bridget McKenzie to seek Scott Morrison’s “authority” for intended recipients of $100m of sports grants and coordinate the announcement with Coalition campaign headquarters, according to new evidence to the sports rorts inquiry.

The evidence from the Australian National Audit Office to the Senate inquiry contradicts Morrison’s claims that McKenzie, the former sports minister, was the ultimate decision-maker for the grant program, and that changes were not made after parliament was dissolved.

Queen guitarist says ‘I won’t be able to walk for a while’ after injury during lockdown and lambasts Boris Johnson over coronavirus

Brian May has complained of “relentless pain” after he was taken to hospital following a gardening injury that tore muscles in his buttocks – and, while in recovery, made a sustained attack on Boris Johnson’s preparedness for coronavirus.

Writing on Instagram, the Queen guitarist said: “I managed to rip my gluteus maximus to shreds in a moment of overenthusiastic gardening. So suddenly I find myself in a hospital getting scanned to find out exactly how much I’ve actually damaged myself. Turns out I did a thorough job – this is a couple of days ago – and I won’t be able to walk for a while … or sleep, without a lot of assistance, because the pain is relentless.”

The comic essayist on crying over Olive Kitteridge, his love for Richard Yates and the books that make him laugh

The book I am currently reading
Hidden Valley Road. It’s a nonfiction book about a family with 12 children, half of whom turn out to be schizophrenic. In the opening pages the mother sews a live bird’s eyes shut. And she’s one of the few who isn’t mentally ill!

The book that changed my life
Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions. A friend read it out aloud to me when we were hitchhiking across America in 1976, and it made me think: “That’s right – books!” After high school I had forgotten about them. As soon as I got a stable address, I secured a library card, and started making up for lost time.

Word of mouth turned the riches-to-rags show into a sleeper hit. Its creator and stars explain why it is going out at its peak

Schitt’s Creek was always going to be a hard sell. There is that title for a start; an off-putting pun that instantly sets the comedy bar below ground level. Couple that with a hackneyed fish-out-of-water premise involving a rich family forced to slum it in a backwater town and you’ve got a one-season sitcom at best. Co-created by and starring Dan Levy, best known as a presenter on MTV Canada, and his dad Eugene, most famous for playing Jim’s embarrassing dad in the American Pie films, it was rejected by HBO and Showtime, eventually finding a home on the little-known US pay-to-view channel Pop. Even its main draw, the great Catherine O’Hara, was initially unenthused by the project, turning down the role of the Rose family’s self-obsessed matriarch Moira, citing her own laziness.

Related: The Guide: Staying In – sign up for our home entertainment tips

Too many connection drop-outs, too many missed cues: at least phone calls are intimate

This week, a parcel presumed lost arrived. It was from my mum. Inside was a mask she’d sewn; sunflower seeds to plant; an Easter egg and a card: “To my lovely daughter, I miss you so much!” it read. “Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. But indifference doesn’t. Video call me. Mum xx”

My mum and I are very close. We speak most days and would usually visit weekly; if it were up to her, it would be more. Her dream is to have all her children, our partners and someday grandchildren living under the same roof. One big happy family, bonded by love, loyalty, south Asian melodrama and unsolicited comments about weight.

Ugly makeup is imperfect, sloppy, chaotic – and only worn to please the wearer, against social expectations

In 2018, Rosanna Meikle felt like a failure. She was toiling through beauty school, and she hadn’t been able to find much work nor garner much attention for her creations online. She was exhausted from the sameness she saw around her, “a sea of beautiful girls, smoky eyes and plumped lips”, she remembers. “My school was in an expensive area of Auckland, which made me feel so out of place. I couldn’t afford the products or the clothes, my kit wasn’t ‘professional’ enough and neither was my look.”

Related: ‘It makes me feel human’: 11 women share their lockdown beauty regimens

Those less convinced in Australia cast doubt on source of Wuhan lab ‘intelligence’. Plus: Trump and Jennifer Hawkins

The origin of the coronavirus has opened up a new battlefield between the Murdoch press and just about everyone else – and given the Daily Telegraph’s Sharri Markson an international platform on Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News.

Following in the footsteps of her colleague Miranda Devine, who also made it onto Fox News, Markson told Tucker Carlson Tonight the “bombshell dossier” she had uncovered showed some of the world’s foremost intelligence agencies were investigating whether the virus was linked to a lab in Wuhan.

News Corp is campaigning full-bore for the US president, with reports of a Wuhan lab ‘intelligence’ dossier being seeded across its empire

In liberal democracies, the integrity, impartiality and professionalism of intelligence agencies matters. That’s why it is essential that intelligence agencies remain aloof, not only from the political debates of the day, but also from the policy decisions that individual governments may take. The intelligence community’s core task is to provide brutally realistic analysis on the threat environments we face so that governments can then make the best-informed policy decisions possible to preserve our common security.

The failures of the intelligence community before the Iraq war, the gullibility of much of the western media, as well as the cynical manipulation of both by the political class of the day, provide us with a stark reminder of what can go radically wrong. On 8 September 2002 the New York Times published one of this century’s most consequential news articles. The front-page story, supplied by the Bush administration, claimed that Saddam Hussein had stepped up his quest for weapons of mass destruction by acquiring key components for a nuclear weapon. In the UK, the Blair government’s “dodgy dossier” compounded the error. John Howard did the same in Australia. The problem was that it just wasn’t true. These were over-egged stories designed to soften the public up for what would become a disastrous war.

• Alex Wurz calls measures to deal with coronavirus ‘immaculate’
  
• ‘F1 can be pioneer’ for other sports to follow, says GPDA chief

The Grand Prix Drivers’ Association is confident the precautions being taken by Formula One mean the sport stands every chance of resuming as planned in Austria on 5 July.

Alex Wurz, chairman of the GPDA, will reassure his members that Formula One has put the safety of everyone involved at the forefront of its plans to return to racing after attending a meeting with F1 and the FIA on Friday.

The app will ask for your name (or pseudonym), age range, postcode and phone number. Scott Morrison says the Australian government’s covid safe tracking app won’t be mandatory to download and install, but its uptake numbers could play a part in easing Covid-19 restrictions

• Authorities admit app is not working properly on iPhones
  
• How Australia’s Covidsafe compares to other countries’ contact tracing technology
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• Download the free Guardian app to get the most important news notifications

The Australian government has launched Covidsafe, an app that traces every person running the app who has been in contact with someone else using the app who has tested positive for coronavirus in the previous few weeks, in a bid to automate coronavirus contact tracing, and allow the easing of restrictions.

Here’s what we know about the app so far.

Australian prime minister Scott Morrison has detailed a gradual opening up of society with the timing the stages to be determined by the states

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• Coronavirus Australia maps and cases: live numbers and statistics

Scott Morrison and the chief medical officer, Brendan Murphy, have laid out a three-step plan to reopen Australia after the coronavirus crisis. Morrison said he hoped step three could be achieved in July, but it would be up to each state and territory when they moved from one step to the next.

Below are some of the areas that will be opened up at each stage, according to the plan – and you can see the timeline for easing restrictions in each state here.

Harry, 32, a TV producer from London, meets Jayson, 25, a journalist from Hong Kong, in our latest virtual date

What were you hoping for?
A fun chat that didn’t involve a quiz.

With more Australian artists being asked to play for free in the lockdown, many are asking if it might do more harm than good

If live music died in mid March, it’s sure been noisy at the funeral. On platforms old and new, live gigs performed at home have streamed from trickle to tidal wave, breaking over the mobile devices of captive audiences. Global gig guide aggregator Bands In Town has added a livestream dropdown, and a new Australian state has been ceded by Eventfinda and tucked alphabetically between Victoria and Western Australia: the state of “Virtual”.

For fans it’s been fun. We’re loving seeing musicians’ pets and plants and enormous fingers fumbling for the flip screen button and, unless we’ve bought a URL ticket, there’s scandalously little to lose by dropping into, and out of, a show.

Some people have found returning to the family home a blessing, but for others it has been anything but smooth sailing

Covid-19 has reshaped geographic boundaries. It has left many financially distressed. Expatriates have returned from overseas for indefinite periods of time, and vulnerable people require more help than usual. For all these reasons, and many more, adult children have found themselves doing something that might previously have been unthinkable: moving back in with their parents.

Some are finding the experience transformative. One woman, who left New York for her parent’s rural home, told me that the space and country air have made her reconsider whether she will ever return to the city. But there are also downsides. “I’m craving male attention more than I ever have before,” she confessed. When flirting over apps stopped cutting it, she wound up ordering a vibrator in an unmarked box, and fended off her younger siblings in order to retrieve it from the mailbox.

As the US deals with a Covid-19 catastrophe in its meatworks, the Melbourne factory points to the potential for outbreaks in Australia

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Working in an abattoir at the best of times is tough. The hours are long, the labour is intensive and, for rank and file labourers, the pay is low.

Now, in the Covid-19 crisis, workers have one more thing to worry about – around the world their factories have proved to be a hotbed of infection. As Australia moves to ease lockdown laws, meat workers may still be at the frontline of exposure and infection.

Trad says she will cooperate with investigation into allegation she interfered in appointment of school principal

Queensland’s deputy premier and treasurer, Jackie Trad, has stood down from ministerial duties over an investigation into the appointment of a Brisbane principal.

The Crime and Corruption Commission (CCC) is investigating the recruitment and selection process for the principal of the Inner City South Secondary College.

Politicians have set a high bar for themselves – success on coronavirus has created community expectations that will be challenging to shift

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“Let’s not give everything back, let’s not throw away all the progress we’ve made by letting our frustration get the better of us.” This was Daniel Andrews on Friday afternoon, shortly after national cabinet resolved to gradually restart economic and social activity by July.

The Victorian premier wanted people to understand he’d be hastening slowly – the message being here in the Massachusetts of Australia, we decide how quickly we’ll remove coronavirus restrictions. We don’t apply an arbitrary national average.

Paul Kelly warns people over 70 and with existing diseases are at high risk from coronavirus as pandemic restrictions ease

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The deputy chief medical officer, Paul Kelly, is warning people to take care if visiting mums on Mother’s Day, as frictions emerge over the lockdown in Victoria.

In some states, authorities are allowing people to pay family visits on Sunday as coronavirus pandemic restrictions are eased, but Kelly has restated warnings that people over 70 and with existing chronic diseases are at high risk from coronavirus.

The millions of unemployed in Thailand due to the coronavirus include elephants dependent on tourists to feed their voracious appetites. With scant numbers of foreign visitors, commercial elephant camps and sanctuaries lack funds for their upkeep and have sent more than 100 of the animals trudging back to their natural habitats.

It's been years since Coyote Peterson was stung by a Japanese giant hornet -- a subspecies of the Asian giant hornet -- but the American wildlife educator vividly remembers how the sting immediately felt like a 'red hot fire poker' being shoved into his skin, followed by residual, almost unbearable pain that lasted for hours.

The European Space Agency said Friday that human urine could one day become a useful ingredient in making concrete to build on the moon.

"I am very aware that I'm not the only one going through this torture" Read our live coronavirus updates HERE

Bill Oddie hails Brooke-Taylor as 'true visual comic' Stephen Fry, Rob Brydon and Jack Dee also pay tribute Brooke-Taylor joins public figures to have died after contracting Covid-19 Read our live coronavirus updates HERE

She said: "It is nice to get away for your own time and not people relying on you for everything all the time.

Tomlinson appears in a bathtub wearing nothing but a shower cap in the cover video

The comedian praised "selfless" NHS workers on the front line

The comedian's death was announced over the weekend

Like many, Ovie Soko has staved off lockdown boredom by getting rid of his hair

The choir leader told Twitter followers how a runner failed to maintain a two metre distance and "fell" on his young son

The comedian and her husband Chris Fischer welcomed their first child in May last year

McCoy is Keough's second child with her husband, Kyle Bosworth

The 99-year-old is walking the length of his garden 100 times to raise funds

The cause of death is currently unknown

Turley and her boyfriend Finn Tapp are currently staying with her parents in Scotland

The incident took place in December 2018

The actress has resurfaced as a TikTok star

Hussain made his debut on Wednesday's show

The Hollywood star was filming The Last Duel in Dublin when lockdown measures kicked in

The comedian had one last act of defiance before renouncing his new moniker

The designer is inviting us all to her Instagram party

The musician has been home-schooling his two children

The actor amassed more than a million followers in one hour

Beyoncé was a surprise addition to the TV fundraiser for America's coronavirus relief effort

Draper is one of the thousands of people in the UK to have been diagnosed with coronavirus

The book has been curated by This Is Going To Hurt author Adam Kay

But which role could he have played?