CLICK TO PLAY Don Street Antigua Race Week 1985 Preview From Don Street Antigua Race Week 1985. A one hour award-winning documentary by Charles Croft which lets you share the intense sailing action aboard Don Street's 80 year old, 44 foot, engineless yawl, "Iolaire" during Antigua Sailing Week, 1985, Iolarie's final appearance in one of the world's top sailing events. Built in 1905, Don had sailed and raced "Iolaire" throughout the Caribbean for forty years while he developed his famous Imray-Iolair charts and the first comprehensive cruising guides that opened up the Caribbean to modern sailors. Antigua Sailing Week races became an annual event for Street and Iolaire since the first regatta in 1957. In 1985, Street decided to retire Iolaire from racing and they both went out in style, finishing only 5 points out of first place at race week's end. This award-winning documentary shows you what Caribbean racing was like in its golden years when the skippers all new each other and racing was more fun than business. Available at http://feeds.thesailingchannel.tv/~/557582042/0/thesailingchannel Streaming Rental $4.99 | Download-to-Own (mp4) $9.99 Get The Complete Street - all 5 Don Street Videos for just $49.95 Sailing Documentaries from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

Ten years after Don sold her, at 0200 on July 26, 2019 - Don's 89th birthday, Iolaire was underway in heavy weather. She was sailing dead downwind in the Spanish Balearic islands along the northeast coast of Ibiza. Reports state that an inadvertent jibe caused her to head inshore, pile up on the rocks, and sink ending her 114 year old career. In this video podcast from Don's two volume how-to set: Streetwise Tips, Don demonstrates three different ways to rig a preventer that will stop an accidental jibe of the boom when running well off or straight down wind. CLICK TO PLAY. DON STREET VIDEOS Over the years Don has been involved in the production of five major sailing videos in which he passes on his decades of seamanship knowledge. Iolaire is featured in two of these: "Antigua Race Week 1985" and "Transatlantic with Street". Three others contain dozens of how-to sailing tips: "Streetwise 1 & 2, and Sailors' Knots & Line Handling. You can stream Don's videos, and purchase Downloads and DVDs with a SailFlix subscription. You can buy or rent individual Don Street videos through Vimeo On Demand. MAIN BOOM FOREGUY/PREVENTER Over a half century ago, when Don purchased Iolaire in St Thomas, he realized that the large, heavy main boom (leftover from her gaff rigged days) could be a real widow maker in an inadvertent jibe. Don insisted that whenever sailing broad off, the crew rig a main boom foreguy/preventer. This was often a difficult and dangerous job. After testing various methods, Don developed a foreguy/preventer that the crew could easily rig with no one going FORWARD of the mast. WATCH THE VIDEO then read Don's detailed instructions. ALWAYS rigged when sailing broad off or dead down wind, Don's foreguy/preventer kept crew and Iolaire safe throughout Don's ownership. IOLAIRE HISTORY "Iolaire" is a Gaelic term that translates in English as “white-tailed sea eagle”. She was designed, built and launched by Harris Bros, UK in 1905. Iolaire was the only 100 year old plus yacht that had been in continuous commission since she was launched; cruising and racing during both wars, as she was Irish owned and based. In her early years, Iolair was raced and cruised by several prominent skippers of the R.O.R.C (the UK's Royal Ocean Racing Club). For full specifications and history of Iolaire, visit the Classicsailboats.org Iolaire registry page.. IOLAIRE AND DON STREET Beginning in 1957, Don Street owned and sailed the 46 foot yawl for 52 years cruising, chartering, racing, and exploring the eastern Caribbean with family, friends and his Grenadian crew. Don skippered Iolaire across the Atlantic seven times between the United Kingdom and the Caribbean, and eight times up and down the Thames River - all without an engine. The knowledge he gain from these voyages resulted in hundreds of articles, three books, and his all inclusive Guides to the Eastern Caribbean and the Atlantic's Cape Verdes islands. Don also created the highly popular Imray Iolaire Charts to the Eastern Caribbean, which opened these waters to regular cruising sailors for the first time. Learn more about Don Street and Iolaire. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

Blu-Ray/DVD Release date: November 19, 2024 (Rated R)

Go to FilmJabber.com to see The Killer's Game movie information.

The magnetotransport properties of materials can be tailored by changing their nanostructure geometry.

In which our heroes do it to Colonel Mustard in the study with the lead pipe. With special guests Josh Brandon and Jonathan Lynn

In which our hero meets a childhood hero of his, and borrows his underpants for ten minutes. With Special Guest Anthony Michael Hall.

First Timers' Guide to the ICW (36-Minutes). Wally Moran, noted sailing writer and charter skipper, briefs you on the Intracoastal Waterway (ICW) along the U.S. East coast from Mile 1 at Norfolk, VA to Oriental, NC. This video is an expanded version of Wally's boat show seminar and includes a wealth of "what you need to know" information that applies throughout an ICW cruise. We will be releasing Part 2, Oriental NC to Miami FL, later this year. Wally is a chief writer for Waterway Guides. As Wally says, “The ICW doesn’t have to be a purgatory, it can be a true pleasure-with the right knowledge.” Register for a chance to win a free copy of 2010 Atlantic ICW Waterway Guide. Email NorthChannelSailingATgmail.com. Put ICW Video Cruising Guide as the Subject. HD VIDEO DOWNLOAD JUST $12.99 Available in both Windows Media (WMV) and QuickTime (MOV) 1280X720 HD versions suitable for full screen viewing on your computer or large flat-screen TV (with computer interface. Will not play in standard DVD players). Just pay with Paypal or your Credit Card, download and be watching in minutes with a broadband Internet connection. Includes Wally's ICW Boat Show Presentation Slides in PDF plus NOAA ICW Digital Charts. More info at www.thesailingchannel.tv/icw/ ****** You may also be interested in "CUBA: Forbidding...Forbidden". In this expanded version of his boat show seminar, Wally describes what it's really like to cruise to Cuba, the best route, provisioning, paperwork, dealing with the locals, and much more. Learn from someone who has actually cruised to Cuba. Available as an HD VIDEO DOWNLOAD. Includes Wally's boat show presentation slides in PDF. All Sailing Videos Just $2.99 or Less. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

CLICK TO PLAY 23 minute documentary. Voyage with Amy and Kenny aboard their 1984 Morgan 384 sloop as they explore Newfoundland's Southwest Coast. Sail past grand vistas of rock bound shores into stunning fjords. Visit remote outports frozen in time and learn the sad story of their slow decline. Meet the locals who tell of vanishing fisheries and a government that's eliminating their support including mail, mainland ferries and electricity. Witness a homecoming celebration in the small island village of Ramea where a traditional way of life is quickly disappearing. Then sail east to the small island of St. Pierre & Miquelon, the last remaining French position in North America. Available at Vimeo On Demand. Download: $9.95 | $4.99 Streaming Rental Sailing Videos from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

CLICK TO PLAY Filmed for Saudi Airlines in Tenerife, Canary Islands. Wonderfully choreographed and executed. The Red Epic cameras with Cooke cinema lenses make for an incredible piece. Hats off to the video and sailboat crews. Watch more free curated sailing videos at https://www.thesailingchannel.tv/free-sailing-videos/ Sailing Documentaries from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

CLICK TO PLAY Heaving To From Don Street's Streetwise Tips Vol.1 by Sailing Quarterly. In this clip, Legendary skipper and sailing author, Don Street shows you how to quickly "park your boat" at sea so you can rest and regroup in rough weather. In his full 56-minute how-to sailing video, Don covers: Heavy Weather Preparation and Sailing Tactics; Foredeck Work; Mainsail Flaking Systems; Sail Repairs; Navigation; and Jibe Prevention. For more Don Street sailing tips, check out Don Street's Streetwise Tips Vol. 2. Available at https://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/557582046/0/thesailingchannel Streaming Rental $2.99 | Episodes $0.99 Download-to-Own (mp4) $12.99 | Episodes $2.99 DVD US $27.99 | DVD INTL $34.99 (includes S&H) Get The Complete Street - all 5 Don Street Videos for just $49.95 Available at https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thecompletestreet Sailing Documentaries from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

CLICK TO PLAY Don Street Sailors' Knots From Don Street Sailors' Knots. Filmed in Martinique aboard Iolaire, his 46 ft engineless wooden yawl, master sailor Don Street teaches you and your crew everything you need to know about sailors' knots and more in just 50 minutes. Don starts by covering 8 basic knots then adds more advanced knots like the rolling hitch, fisherman's bend, and tow boat hitch. With a down to earth style, he teaches you how to tie each knot and most importantly, when to use it, making a sometimes difficult subject easy and pleasurable. First Don demonstrates at normal speed then he shows you a slow motion close up that makes the knot's path easy to follow and learn. Don also covers proper line handling, dock line throwing, sail stops, halyards, and how to repair a chafed rope. Don gives you the critical knot and line handling skills every skipper should know. Available at https://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/557582044/0/thesailingchannel Streaming Rental $4.99 | Download-to-Own (mp4) $9.99 DVD US $29.95 | DVD INTL $39.95 (includes S&H) Get The Complete Street - all 5 Don Street Videos for just $49.95 Available at https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thecompletestreet Sailing Documentaries from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

CLICK TO PLAY Don Street Antigua Race Week 1985 Preview From Don Street Antigua Race Week 1985. A one hour award-winning documentary by Charles Croft which lets you share the intense sailing action aboard Don Street's 80 year old, 44 foot, engineless yawl, "Iolaire" during Antigua Sailing Week, 1985, Iolarie's final appearance in one of the world's top sailing events. Built in 1905, Don had sailed and raced "Iolaire" throughout the Caribbean for forty years while he developed his famous Imray-Iolair charts and the first comprehensive cruising guides that opened up the Caribbean to modern sailors. Antigua Sailing Week races became an annual event for Street and Iolaire since the first regatta in 1957. In 1985, Street decided to retire Iolaire from racing and they both went out in style, finishing only 5 points out of first place at race week's end. This award-winning documentary shows you what Caribbean racing was like in its golden years when the skippers all new each other and racing was more fun than business. Available at https://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/557582042/0/thesailingchannel Streaming Rental $4.99 | Download-to-Own (mp4) $9.99 Get The Complete Street - all 5 Don Street Videos for just $49.95 Sailing Documentaries from $2.99. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

Ten years after Don sold her, at 0200 on July 26, 2019 - Don's 89th birthday, Iolaire was underway in heavy weather. She was sailing dead downwind in the Spanish Balearic islands along the northeast coast of Ibiza. Reports state that an inadvertent jibe caused her to head inshore, pile up on the rocks, and sink ending her 114 year old career. In this video podcast from Don's two volume how-to set: Streetwise Tips, Don demonstrates three different ways to rig a preventer that will stop an accidental jibe of the boom when running well off or straight down wind. CLICK TO PLAY. DON STREET VIDEOS Over the years Don has been involved in the production of five major sailing videos in which he passes on his decades of seamanship knowledge. Iolaire is featured in two of these: "Antigua Race Week 1985" and "Transatlantic with Street". Three others contain dozens of how-to sailing tips: "Streetwise 1 & 2, and Sailors' Knots & Line Handling. You can stream Don's videos, and purchase Downloads and DVDs with a SailFlix subscription. You can buy or rent individual Don Street videos through Vimeo On Demand. MAIN BOOM FOREGUY/PREVENTER Over a half century ago, when Don purchased Iolaire in St Thomas, he realized that the large, heavy main boom (leftover from her gaff rigged days) could be a real widow maker in an inadvertent jibe. Don insisted that whenever sailing broad off, the crew rig a main boom foreguy/preventer. This was often a difficult and dangerous job. After testing various methods, Don developed a foreguy/preventer that the crew could easily rig with no one going FORWARD of the mast. WATCH THE VIDEO then read Don's detailed instructions. ALWAYS rigged when sailing broad off or dead down wind, Don's foreguy/preventer kept crew and Iolaire safe throughout Don's ownership. IOLAIRE HISTORY "Iolaire" is a Gaelic term that translates in English as “white-tailed sea eagle”. She was designed, built and launched by Harris Bros, UK in 1905. Iolaire was the only 100 year old plus yacht that had been in continuous commission since she was launched; cruising and racing during both wars, as she was Irish owned and based. In her early years, Iolair was raced and cruised by several prominent skippers of the R.O.R.C (the UK's Royal Ocean Racing Club). For full specifications and history of Iolaire, visit the Classicsailboats.org Iolaire registry page.. IOLAIRE AND DON STREET Beginning in 1957, Don Street owned and sailed the 46 foot yawl for 52 years cruising, chartering, racing, and exploring the eastern Caribbean with family, friends and his Grenadian crew. Don skippered Iolaire across the Atlantic seven times between the United Kingdom and the Caribbean, and eight times up and down the Thames River - all without an engine. The knowledge he gain from these voyages resulted in hundreds of articles, three books, and his all inclusive Guides to the Eastern Caribbean and the Atlantic's Cape Verdes islands. Don also created the highly popular Imray Iolaire Charts to the Eastern Caribbean, which opened these waters to regular cruising sailors for the first time. Learn more about Don Street and Iolaire. Brought to you by TheSailingChannel.TV

On Friday Paramount dropped the trailer for the second most anticipated EON Production of 2020, The Rhythm Section! The Rhythm Section has been delayed several times (first when star Blake Lively suffered an on-set injury), but here's proof that it's finally really coming... and it looks great! While an adaptation of Mark Burnell's 1999 spy novel would be something for spy fans to be seriously excited about anyway, it's even more exciting because it hails from Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson's EON Productions, the producers behind the James Bond movies. While EON has been venturing outside the realm of 007 lately, this marks their first new foray into the genre that defined them—and that they defined, under the auspices of first-generation Bond producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman. And it's not only a new EON spy movie; it's potentially the start of a new, female-fronted EON spy series! (Burnell wrote four Stephanie Patrick thrillers.) Will Lively end up being the Sean Connery of a long lasting Stephanie Patrick film series?

The books are quite good, and remind me of a female Callan. Like Callan, Stephanie ends up working as an assassin for a particularly unpleasant boss in an ultra-secret branch of British Intelligence. And like Callan, she doesn't do this work by choice. Instead she's forced into it by that unpleasant boss. But she's also got very personal motivations (motivations he ruthlessly manipulates) for her initial mission: an opportunity to get revenge on the terrorists responsible for the death of her parents and siblings. Burnell's book is very dark and very serious, and judging from this trailer the movie will be true to that tone. In fact, the movie (directed by Reed Morano and scripted by Burnell himself) looks quite faithful to the book overall, though it's obvious that the ending has been changed, which was pretty much a given. (The villains' plot in the '99 book had eerie similarities to 9/11, which simply wouldn't play in today's world.) And it looks great!

The first of two major EON spy movies coming out next year, The Rhythm Section opens on January 31, 2020. It stars Blake Lively (The Age of Adaline), Jude Law (Spy), Raza Jaffrey (Spooks/MI-5), and Sterling K. Brown (Black Panther).

I've never quite understood the concept of "James Bond Day" (or "Global James Bond Day?"). But maybe that's because since I was 11, I don't think there's been any day I haven't thought about James Bond! Maybe there are people out there who need reminding? Anyway, to mark this year's James Bond Day, MGM and EON have released the first poster for Daniel Craig's final outing as Bond, No Time To Die. No Time To Die, directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga and starring Craig, Rami Malek, Léa Seydoux, Lashana Lynch, Ana de Armas, Jeffrey Wright, Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris, Ben Whishaw, Billy Magnussen, David Dencik, and Rory Kinnear, opens in the U.S. on April 8, 2020.

Black Widow will be the first of Marvel's superspies to get her own movie (preceding Shang Chi by a year), and today Marvel released the first trailer. And it looks pretty cool! I'm honestly surprised about how many images come directly from the various Black Widow comics over the years. Clearly, the character's first standalone film will contain some flashbacks to Natasha Romanoff's early days as a child raised to be a KGB assassin in Moscow's infamous Red Room. Scarlett Johansson has played the role in seven Marvel movies (most recently the all-time box office champ Avengers: Endgame), but this will be her first solo feature.


If you want to play catch-up on the comics and see where some of those images in the trailer come from, there are some collections out there that make that possible. (And even more are due next year in the lead up to the movie!) Three beautifully prodcued Marvel Premiere hardcovers collect this secret agent's most essential adventures in matching volumes. Black Widow: The Sting of the Widow presents the character's first appearance (in a silly costume in an issue of Iron Man) and earliest solo adventures from the early Seventies, after she'd gotten an Emma Peel makeover, ending up in the black catsuit with which she's still most closely associated. These early Black Widow comics will surely be of interest to collectors and hardcore fans, but casual fans looking for a great introduction to the character are better off picking up the second volume in the series, Black Widow: Web of Intrigue first.

Black Widow: Web of Intrigue offers an excellent primer on the character containing some of her classic appearances from the early Eighties, including an excellent comic drawn by my second-favorite spy artist (after Steranko), Paul Gulacy.  (Look for a cameo appearance by Michael Caine!) Black Widow: Web of Intrigue contains this and several other seminal tales of the red-haired Russian superspy. A third volume, Black Widow: The Itsy Bitsy Spider collects a pair of Marvel Knights stories from the late Nineties (including one by Queen & Country scribe Greg Rucka).

My two favorite modern-day Widow storylines have yet to receive the hardcover treatment, sadly, but are available in a pair of out-of-print trade paperbacks. (They'll also, happily, be collected in a new single volume next year!) Richard K. Morgan's Black Widow: Homecoming and Black Widow: The Things They Say About Her put the focus on espionage above superheroics and are among the very best Marvel spy stories of this century. Other recent Widow stories include Black Widow: Deadly Origin, Black Widow and the Marvel Girls, Black Widow: The Name of the Rose and Black Widow: Kiss or Kill. Most of the character's adventures with Daredevil from the 1970s are included in Essential Daredevil: Volume 3. as well as the color Daredevil Epic Collection: A Woman Called Widow.

Eurospy fans, your collective prayers have been answered! The Sixties Bond knockoff (a term I use with great affection) title I've heard most often requested is finally coming to Blu-ray! In the UK, anyway. So American Eurospy aficionados who don't yet have all-region Blu-ray players (and you really ought to), add them to your Christmas lists! On February 17, 2020, Network will release the Bondified Jet Age Bulldog Drummond movie Some Girls Do (lesser sequel to the greatest Eurospy movie of all, Deadlier Than the Male) in Region B high-def. On the same date the title will also make its standalone DVD debut (Region 2). Both releases are quite notable, because they mark the first time ever that this title has been available in its native 1.66:1 widescreen aspect ratio. It was previously available only on a Region 2 double feature DVD from Network paired with Deadlier Than the Male (which the company has offered on its own on Blu-ray for some time now). While that title came in widescreen, the Some Girls Do on offer was a panned and scanned 4x3 version--and transferred from a rather iffy source. Hopefully (and presumably, given the new aspect ratio), Network have uncovered a better source print for the new 1080p HD transfer. So even if you don't have an all-region Blu-ray player, but do have an all-region DVD player, you'll still have a way to finally see this movie the way it was meant to be seen!

Some Girls Do (1969) stars Richard Johnson (Deadlier Than the Male, Danger Route), Daliah Lavi (Casino Royale, The High Commissioner), Beba Loncar (Fuller Report, Lucky the Inscrutable), James Villiers (For Your Eyes Only, Otley), and the great Robert Morley (Hot Enough For June,  Topkapi) in a scene-stealing role as cooking teacher "Miss Mary." Here's Network's description of the movie:

Richard Johnson returns as Hugh 'Bulldog' Drummond in this action-packed take on the exploits of H.C. McNeile's famous fictional hero - this time with an added dose of late '60s whimsy when Drummond comes up against a gang of armed, gorgeous fembots! Some Girls Do is presented here as a new High Definition transfer from original film elements in its original aspect ratio.
Drummond is hot on the trail of his nemesis, the devious Carl Petersen, who is hell-bent on sabotaging the new British fighter airplane. Peterson must be stopped - whatever the cost - but this time he's protected by a bodyguard of murderous female androids!

Special features are limited to the theatrical trailer and an "extensive image gallery," but just having this title in its proper aspect ratio is reason enough to buy the disc! And to have that great, great poster art on the cover! (My own Some Girls Do UK quad with that key art hangs in a place of pride in my apartment protected by UV-coated museum glass.)

Pre-order the Blu-ray from Network here.
Pre-order the DVD from Network here.
Read my review of Deadlier Than the Male here.

Wow! We're so close to the release of a new Bond movie now that a new James Bond theme song has been released into the world! Listen for yourself to Billie Eilsish's title track to the twenty-fifth EON 007 movie, No Time to Die. Eilish recently won all the Grammies, pretty much, and performed at the Oscars. It seems pre-ordained that this track will shoot to the top of the charts. Eilish reportedly wrote the song with her brother, Finneas. Hans Zimmer composed the film's score.

Theodore J. Flicker's 1967 James Coburn satire The President's Analyst is one of my very favorite spy movies. (It's also Coburn's best spy movie... Sorry, Derek Flint.) When describing it to people, I always say that the comedy holds up surprisingly well today... sadly. America is still facing many of the same social  issues Flicker sent up over fifty years ago (from institutional racism to monolithic Big Tech), and it's easy to imagine a remake. Now, Paramount is imagining one... with The Daily Show host Trevor Noah on board to produce and potentially star. According to The Hollywood Reporter, former Obama White House staffer Pat Cunnane will write the script. The premise, about a psychotherapist burdened with all of the President's top secret stresses, will obviously be familiar ground for him! According to his publisher, Cunnane served as "President Barack Obama’s senior writer and deputy director of messaging at the White House, where he worked for six years in many roles."

A few weeks ago, Paramount announced a remake of The President's Analyst was in the works. Now comes even better news.... The 1967 original, starring James Coburn, Godfrey Cambridge, and Severn Darden, is at long last coming to Blu-ray! Australian label Via Vision will release the title via its Imprint imprint (yes, you read that right: two "via's" and two "imprint's") on May 26. It' can be imported from the Via Vision site, and is available to pre-order from American outlets like Amazon (from which this site receives a kickback) and DeepDiscount. Imprint Blu-rays are region-free. The 1080p HD presentation of the film with LPCM 2.0 mono audio comes with brand new special features including an audio commentary by the great Tim Lucas (who recently provided the company with an updated audio commentary for their release of Danger: Diabolik to supplement his classic original DVD commentary with John Philip Law) and an appreciation of the film from Kim Newman, as well as the original theatrical trailer and optional English subtitles. The first 1500 copies will come in a limited edition slipcase. The President's Analyst is one of the all-time great spy comedies, and remains as timely as ever. If you love it as much as I do, you'll already have pre-ordered. If you've never seen it... now's your chance!

AIP’s Vincent Price vehicle Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine was one of the first Sixties Bond parodies I ever heard of, long before I actually saw it. In a way, that was a good thing, because it afforded the movie years to percolate in my imagination, growing far beyond a potential it could possibly live up to when I finally saw it. Ultimately I was bound for disappointment, because, let’s face it, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine is a far better title than it is a movie. But because of all those years that it lived in my mind as pure potential, I went into it for the first time after college (during college I had tried in vain to track down a 35mm print to program on campus) with a pre-built nostalgia, and nostalgia is a wonderful—and possibly essential—cushion for a movie like this. If you remember it from your childhood, you’ll probably enjoy it more than it deserves to be enjoyed. And the same can be said if you’ve somehow approximated such a nostalgia like I did. But even after that lengthy apologia for liking the movie, I have to admit that I only really like certain parts of it. Most of it is pretty bad.

Made at the height of the Sixties (and here I’m grudgingly conceding that that phrase, which I usually use very positively, can also have negative connotations), Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine is a as much a blend of what was popular then as those Seltzer and Friedberg “parody” movies (usually with “movie” in the title) were in the early 2000s. (Though to be fair it’s a lot better than those!) And since it was made by American International Pictures, it’s a blend of its time that particularly reflects that studio’s output. Therefore it’s as much a parody of their two bread-and-butter genres—Frankie and Annette beach movies and Poe-inspired Vincent Price horror movies—as it is of James Bond. While I’m indifferent to beach movies, I do love those Poe movies… so I’m not being an espionage chauvinist when I say that the only bits that really work are those inspired by the spy craze. And even then the hit-to-miss ratio is probably 50/50... at best.

Appropriately, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine opens with one of the strangest title sequences of any Sixties spy movie. Under a rather great and undeniably infectious theme song performed by the Supremes (available on the stellar Ace Records Sixties spy theme compilation Come Spy With Us), instead of the Bond-style credits most spy spoofs opted for, Bikini Machine treats us to Claymation, courtesy of Gumby creator Art Clokey. And the entire Claymation sequence is built around the stupidest thing in the whole movie: a pair of stupid gold elf shoes with little bells on their pointed toes that Price’s character wears to justify his name, Dr. Goldfoot. I’m aware that I just used the word “stupid” twice in that sentence, but that’s because these shoes are seriously stupid. I don’t know whose idea they were, but I sure am glad that Ken Adam wasn’t struck by a similar necessity to equip Gert Frobe with jingling golden thimbles.

After the titles, we meet an attractive robot woman (Susan Hart) in a trenchcoat and fedora walking through the streets of San Francisco. We learn that she’s a robot woman through a series of stupid gags (there’s that word again… are you detecting a pattern?), like a car crashing into her and getting wrecked (because she’s metal, get it??), or two bank robbers escaping and crashing into her and getting knocked down (because she’s metal!), then shooting her full of holes with no discernable result (because… you’ve figured it out by now, haven’t you?). Then we meet Frankie Avalon being annoying in a restaurant and sporting a really annoying helmet of hair. (Uh-oh. There’s another word that bore repeating twice in one sentence!) The robot woman comes in and drinks a sip of his milk and then spouts out gallons of the white stuff (all from that one sip, apparently) through the “bullet holes” in her body. (John Cleese would recycle the same questionable gag years later in that Schweppes commercial on the original Licence to Kill VHS.) Despite her leakage, the holes (which aren’t visible) don’t seem to have damaged her mechanics one bit, and in minutes she’s successfully picked up Avalon and is heading back to his apartment with him.

Avalon is Craig Gamble, a bumbling agent of Secret Intelligence Command (or SIC, which I think is supposed to pass for a joke) who decorates his walls with a picture of Sherlock Holmes, apparently for inspiration. The robot woman is named Diane, and she talks with an annoying put-on Southern accent and, we and Gamble soon come to learn, wears only a gold lamé bikini underneath her fashionable spy trenchcoat! (The latter makes up for the former.) But what made her pick him?

The answer comes back at Dr. Goldfoot’s lair, where we meet the diabolical mastermind and his sidekick, Igor (occasional Elvis cohort Jack Mullaney). While Vincent Price deserves an iconic entrance in any movie he makes, it’s kind of undercut here by those stupid gold shoes, which really are quite stupid. (Have I mentioned that?) I am not a production designer, nor a fashion maven, but I am confident I could have designed much better gold shoes for the same purpose. And regular readers will know that I am not given to making such claims. Anyway, it transpires at Goldfoot HQ that the idiotic Igor programmed poor Diane to go after the wrong man. While Gamble hasn’t got two pennies to rub together, she was supposed to be seducing Avalon’s beach buddy Dwayne Hickman, as millionaire playboy Todd Armstrong. (As either an inside joke or laziness, Hickman’s character is named after Avalon’s character in Ski Party, and Avalon’s Craig Gamble is named after Hickman’s character from that movie.) To Igor’s credit, the two actors do look a lot alike (in a very generic Sixties heartthrob way), and that fact actually makes the movie a little bit confusing. The fact that Gamble turned out to be a secret agent was just bad luck—or bad scriptwriting. Luckily Dr. Goldfoot can operate Diane by remote control, and he’s able to reprogram her to suddenly walk out on Craig and set off to lay a trap for Todd.

Diane’s trap for Todd involves bending over and pulling her trenchcoat far enough aside to expose a glimpse of that golden behind as she pretends to inspect a flat tire. It also involves Dr. Goldfoot somehow taking remote control of Todd’s car, and driving him backwards until he sees Diane. (Dr. Goldfoot possesses a magical universal remote long before its time, and uses it primarily for making cars drive the wrong direction and various things blow up. He also threatens people with it a lot, though I’m not sure if he’s threatening to blow them up or to reverse them.) One glimpse of Diane, however, is enough to make Todd forget that it might be a little suspicious and just a tad weird to find yourself suddenly pulled backwards by an unseen force while driving. Their meeting also offers the movie’s choicest bit of dialogue—and, yes, it’s every bit as sexist as you would expect/hope for from a movie called Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine.

“Thank heavens you came along, darling, I’m completely flat!” declares Diane as she opens the front of her trenchcoat.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” replies Todd, ogling her gold bikini-clad breasts jutting out of the London Fog.

So what’s all this about? Well, sadly all of Dr. Goldfoot’s ingenuity is expended on a simple gold digging scheme. Diane is supposed to get millionaire Todd to marry her and then make him sign over power of attorney to her (which is of course the same as signing it to Dr. Goldfoot). Honestly, I find it a little disappointing that Dr. Goldfoot has the ingenuity and the wherewithal to build perfectly human-looking robots and universal remotes that control anything, and yet the best scheme he can come up with is gold digging. Why not aim higher, Dr. G? Why not strive for world domination? (Well... that's what sequels are for!)

Anyway, Igor’s error with the target has accidentally tipped off an agent of SIC to the mad doctor’s big gold digging plot. Fortunately for Dr. Goldfoot, though, he’s not a very good agent.

Gamble’s code number is only Double O and a half. “Why they won’t even let you carry a gun until you get a digit instead of a fraction!” yells his boss and uncle, Uncle Donald (genuine comic genius Fred Clark, of Zotz! and Hammer's Curse of the Mummy's Tomb). Donald’s not really in any position to berate his nephew, though, because he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer himself. When Igor shows up in his office dressed in what looks like a Sherlock Holmes Halloween costume (deerstalker and Inverness cape) claiming to be SIC director Inspector Abernathy, Donald believes him despite Gamble’s protestations.

The gags in this movie are mostly lame (as opposed to lamé), and recycled for the hundredth time. When an upper file cabinet drawer is closed, a lower one pops out knocking someone on the head. A beautiful girl robot is mis-programmed (Igor!) and starts talking like a Brooklyn gorilla. When Igor tries to spy on his boss using a periscope, Dr. Goldfoot splashes some ink on the top end giving Igor a black ring around his eye from the viewer. (Actually, that one's still kind of funny.) Even the spy-specific jokes tend to fall flat a lot of the time. Igor shows Dr. G a new attaché case (pronounced the American way, not the British “attachee”) with its own From Russia With Love-style gadgetry. What surprises does it have in store?  Would you believe a fist with a boxing glove that pops out and punches someone when they open it? (Neatly and obviously accomplished by situating a stuntman underneath the table the case is set on, easily able to reach through a hole in the table and the case.)

While the jokes often fall flat, highlights come in the form of random outbursts of go-go dancing, whether from Dr. Goldfoot’s bikini girls (whose default mode seems to be set as “go-go,” befitting their gold bikini costumes) or in nightclubs. (There’s a odd number from a band all dressed up as Fred Flintstone credited as Sam and the Apemen and accompanied by—you guessed it—go-go girls. But for some reason the go-go girls aren’t dressed in fur bikinis, just regular bikinis.)

Price himself camps it up to the extreme (surprise, surprise), parodying his own other AIP performances and even donning costumes from a few of them at times. To that end, the movie becomes more and more of an AIP in-joke as it proceeds (complete with an Annette Funicello cameo), and eventually Gamble and Todd end up in Dr. Goldfoot’s torture chamber, getting a tour that includes portraits of all his illustrious forebears (again bearing certain resemblances to famous Price roles past) and lots of familiar torture implements. It’s poor Todd who ends up strapped down beneath the swinging pendulum from The Pit and the Pendulum.

But then, in its final act, something unexpected happens. The movie becomes… really fun! The undisputable high point of the film is the fifteen-minute-long final chase through the streets of San Francisco in which the heroes and villains keep changing vehicles. It’s accomplished mostly through obvious rear projection, but the San Francisco scenery is quite real. The heroes (Gamble and Todd) start out in a gadget-laden Cadillac spy car whose gags include inflatable seats that inflate when you don’t want them to and a steering wheel that switches sides between the driver and the passenger at inopportune moments. The villains start out in a motorcycle and sidecar that become detached in the course of the chase and eventually manage to re-attach themselves. When Dr. Goldfoot uses his magic remote control device to blow up their spy car, the heroes swipe a red convertible (a Sunbeam Alpine, like Bond drove in Dr. No), and when the motorcycle and sidecar end up smashed on the front of a train, the villains (their faces coated in black soot, just like a cartoon character’s after surviving such a collision) appropriate an E-Type Jag. Eventually the heroes are on a bicycle while the baddies commandeer a San Francisco cable car—and manage to drive it right off its tracks and all over town! By the end the good guys are in a boat on a boat trailer careening wildly down San Francisco’s steep hills. It’s all pretty fun, really, in a typically zany way.

The end titles feature those stupid gold shoes again (though not Claymation this time), performing a disembodied dance (accomplished simply—and effectively—enough with a dancer dressed all in black dancing in front of a pitch black background) alongside gold bikini-clad go-go dancers—and similarly disembodied writhing gold bikini tops and bottoms. (That’s actually a really cool effect!) All of which handily beats (and makes up for) the Claymation opening in my book.

Even though Doctor Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine leaves things open for a sequel with Dr. Goldfoot and Igor surviving their cable car crash (and subsequent bombardment by gunboats) and turning up on the plane winging our victorious heroes off to Europe, the end credits instead tout the next beach movie, The Girl in the Glass Bikini. Which kind of brings us back to this movie’s title. Say it out loud to yourself. Think about it. Based on that title more than my (or any) review, I suspect you already know if this movie is for you or not.

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