Horror movies, as of late, have gone to great lengths to solve the key obstacle to horror movies- cell phones. When we live in a world where help is a phone call away, it's hard to imagine the characters not doing that. So screenwriters put them in situations where this is impossible: in Midsommar they isolate them in rural Sweden, in Get Out calling the police is only going to put our protagonist in more danger. But what's possibly more common is making the film a period piece- like the X/Pearl/Maxxxine trilogy, Late Night with the Devil, or Netflix's continuing series of R.L. Stine adaptations.

I bring this up, because today's horror starts in 1993. A Norwegian software company launched its software product to mild acclaim. Like every company, it had its ups and downs, its successes and missteps. On the surface, it was a decent enough place to work.

Over the years, the company tried to stay up to date with technology. In 1993, the major languages one might use for launching a major software product, your options are largely C or Pascal. Languages like Python existed, but weren't widely used or even supported on most systems. But the company stayed in business and needed to update their technology as time passed, which meant the program gradually grew and migrated to new languages.

Which meant, by the time Niklas F joined the company, they were on C#. Even though they'd completely changed languages, the codebase still derived from the original C codebase. And that meant that the codebase had many secrets, dark corners, and places a developer should never look.

Like every good horror movie protagonist, Niklas heard the "don't go in there!" and immediately went in there. And lurking in those shadows was the thing every developer fears the most: homebrew date handling code.

/// <summary>
/// 
/// </summary>
/// <param name="dt"></param>
/// <returns></returns>
public static DateTime LastDayInMonth(DateTime dt)
{
	int day = 30;
	switch (dt.Month)
	{
		case 1:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 2:
			if (IsLeapYear(dt))
				day = 29;
			else
				day = 28;
			break;
		case 3:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 4:
			day = 30;
			break;
		case 5:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 6:
			day = 30;
			break;
		case 7:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 8:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 9:
			day = 30;
			break;
		case 10:
			day = 31;
			break;
		case 11:
			day = 30;
			break;
		case 12:
			day = 31;
			break;
	}
	return new DateTime(dt.Year, dt.Month, day, 0, 0, 0);
}

/// <summary>
/// 
/// </summary>
/// <param name="dt"></param>
/// <returns></returns>
public static bool IsLeapYear(DateTime dt)
{
	bool ret = (((dt.Year % 4) == 0) && ((dt.Year % 100) != 0) || ((dt.Year % 400) == 0));
	return ret;
}

For a nice change of pace, this code isn't incorrect. Even the leap year calculation is actually correct (though my preference would be to just return the expression instead of using a local variable). But that's what makes this horror all the more insidious: there are built-in functions to handle all of this, but this code works and will likely continue to work, just sitting there, like a demon that we've made a pact with. And suddenly we realize this isn't Midsommar but Ari Aster's other hit film, Hereditary, and we're trapped being in a lineage of monsters, and can't escape our inheritance.

For years, Victoria had a co-worker who "programmed by Google Search"; they didn't understand how anything worked, they simply plugged their problem into Google search and then copy/pasted and edited until they got code that worked. For this developer, I'm sure ChatGPT has been a godsend, but this code predates its wide use. It's pure "Googlesauce".

    StringBuffer stringBuffer = new StringBuffer();
    stringBuffer.append("SELECT * FROM TABLE1 WHERE COLUMN1 = 1 WITH UR");

    String sqlStr = stringBuffer.toString();
    ps = getConnection().prepareStatement(sqlStr);

    ps.setInt(1, code);

    rs = ps.executeQuery();

    while (rs.next())
    {
      count++;
    }

The core of this WTF isn't anything special- instead of running a SELECT COUNT they run a SELECT and then loop over the results to get the count. But it's all the little details in here which make it fun.

They start by using a StringBuffer to construct their query- not a horrible plan when the query is long, but this is just a single, simple, one-line query. The query contains a WITH clause, but it's in the wrong spot. Then they prepareStatement it, which does nothing, since this query doesn't contain any parameters (and also, isn't syntactically valid). Once it's prepared, they set the non-existent parameter 1 to a value- this operation will throw an exception because there are no parameters in the query.

Finally, they loop across the results to count.

The real WTF is that this code ended up in the code base, somehow. The developer said, "Yes, this seems good, I'll check in this non-functional blob that I definitely don't understand," and then there were no protections in place to keep that from happening. Now it falls to more competent developers, like Victoria, to clean up after this co-worker.

Since it's election day in the US, many people are thinking about counting today. We frequently discuss counting here, and how to do it wrong, so let's look at some code from RK.

This code may not be counting votes, but whatever it's counting, we're not going to enjoy it:

case LogMode.Row_limit: // row limit excel = 65536 rows
    if (File.Exists(personalFolder + @"" + fileName + ".CSV"))
    {
        using (StreamReader reader = new StreamReader(personalFolder + @"" + fileName + ".CSV"))
        {
            countRows = reader.ReadToEnd().Split(new char[] { '
' }).Length;
        }
    }

Now, this code is from a rather old application, originally released in 2007. So the comment about Excel's row limit really puts us in a moment in time- Excel 2007 raised the row limit to 1,000,000 rows. But older versions of Excel did cap out at 65,536. And it wasn't the case that everyone just up and switched to Excel 2007 when it came out- transitioning to the new Office file formats was a conversion which took years.

But we're not even reading an Excel file, we're reading a CSV.

I enjoy that we construct the name twice, because that's useful. But the real magic of this one is how we count the rows. Because while Excel can handle 65,536 rows at this time, I don't think this program is going to do a great job of it- because we read the entire file into memory with ReadToEnd, then Split on newlines, then count the length that way.

As you can imagine, in practice, this performed terribly on large files, of which there were many.

Unfortunately for RK, there's one rule about old, legacy code: don't touch it. So despite fixing this being a rather easy task, nobody is working on fixing it, because nobody wants to be the one who touched it last. Instead, management is promising to launch a greenfield replacement project any day now…

There's the potential for endless installments of "programmers not understanding how UUIDs work." Frankly, I think the fact that we represent them as human readable strings is part of the problem; sure, it's readable, but conceals the fact that it's just a large integer.

Which brings us to this snippet, from Capybara James.

    if (!StringUtils.hasLength(uuid) || uuid.length() != 36) {
        throw new RequestParameterNotFoundException(ErrorCodeCostants.UUID_MANDATORY_OR_FORMAT);
    }

StringUtils.hasLength comes from the Spring library, and it's a simple "is not null or empty" check. So- we're testing to see if a string is null or empty, or isn't exactly 36 characters long. That tells us the input is bad, so we throw a RequestParameterNotFoundException, along with an error code.

So, as already pointed out, a UUID is just a large integer that we render as a 36 character string, and there are better ways to validate a UUID. But this also will accept any 36 character string- as long as you've got 36 characters, we'll call it a UUID. "This is valid, really valid, dumbass" is now a valid UUID.

With that in mind, I also like the bonus of it not distinguishing between whether or not the input was missing or invalid, because that'll make it real easy for users to understand why their input is getting rejected.

Ross needed to write software to integrate with a credit card payment gateway. The one his company chose was relatively small, and only served a handful of countries- but it covered the markets they cared about and the transaction fees were cheap. They used XML for data interchange, and while they had no published schema document, they did have some handy-dandy sample code which let you parse their XML messages.

$response = curl_exec($ch);
$authecode = fetch_data($response, '<authCode>', '</authCode>');
$responsecode = fetch_data($response, '<responsecode>', '</responsecode>');
$retrunamount = fetch_data($response, '<returnamount>', '</returnamount>');
$trxnnumber = fetch_data($response, '<trxnnumber>', '</trxnnumber>');
$trxnstatus = fetch_data($response, '<trxnstatus>', '</trxnstatus>');
$trxnresponsemessage = fetch_data($response, '<trxnresponsemessage>', '</trxnresponsemessage>');

Well, this looks… worrying. At first glance, I wonder if we're going to have to kneel before Z̸̭͖͔͂̀ā̸̡͖͕͊l̴̜͕͋͌̕g̸͉̳͂͊ȯ̷͙͂̐. What exactly does fetch_data actually do?

function fetch_data($string, $start_tag, $end_tag)
{

  $position = stripos($string, $start_tag);
  $str = substr($string, $position);
  $str_second = substr($str, strlen($start_tag));
  $second_positon = stripos($str_second, $end_tag);
  $str_third = substr($str_second, 0, $second_positon);
  $fetch_data = trim($str_third);
  return $fetch_data;
}

Phew, no regular expressions, just… lots of substrings. This parses the XML document with no sense of the document's structure- it literally just searches for specific tags, grabs whatever is between them, and calls it done. Nested tags? Attributes? Self-closing tags? Forget about it. Since it doesn't enforce that your open and closing tags match, it also lets you grab arbitrary (and invalid) document fragments- fetch_data($response, "<fooTag>", "<barTag>"), for example.

And it's not like this needs to be implemented from scratch- PHP has built-in XML parsing classes. We could argue that by limiting ourselves to a subset of XML (which I can only hope this document does) and doing basic string parsing, we've built a much simpler approach, but I suspect that after doing a big pile of linear searches through the document, we're not really going to see any performance benefits from this version- and maintenance is going to be a nightmare, as it's so fragile and won't work for many very valid XML documents.

It's always amazing when TRWTF is neither PHP nor XML but… whatever this is.

Originally theorized by Happy Hobbit, a music industry blog seems to confirm the song name.

While there is still no official confirmation from the studio, the folks over at Film Music Reporter seem to have found the song track title for a new Paris Paloma song attached to The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim:

English folk-pop artist Paris Paloma has recorded an original song for the upcoming anime feature The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim. The track, entitled The Rider, written by Phoebe Gittins (who co-wrote the project’s screenplay with Arty Papageorgiou and Jeffrey Addiss & Will Matthews) & composer David Long and performed by Paloma, will be featured in the movie.

Where is the Horse and The Rider

Paris Paloma is fresh on the music scene having released her first album earlier this year. Kellie from Happy Hobbit is a huge fan and in this TikTok posted a few months ago she speculated that Paloma was involved in The War of the Rohirrim. Just last week at NYCC, Executive Producer Philippa Boyens teased a great new song without revealing the artist. You can watch the full panel on our YouTube.

On this week's TORN Tuesday, Kellie explains who Paris Paloma is and why she is perfect to be involved in the story of Rohan's shieldmaidens. Segment starts at 1:17:00

New York Comic Con was a wonderful place to be for Tolkien fans! Other than the excellent coverage by staffer greendragon who interviewed several of the creatives behind the upcoming The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim (look out for the videos on TORn's YouTube and socials), Kili from Happy Hobbit got to chat with some amazing Tolkien-inspired artists on the showroom floor. You can hear their stories below and be sure to check out the links to their amazing creations! Watch the episode.

Featured Artists:

GeekifyInc

Geek Orthodox

Najarian Art

Happy Hobbit has brought Middle-earth to its viewers' daily lives since 2012! Learn hobbity recipes, crafts, and more by watching new episodes and/or perusing the 10+ years worth of videos on their YouTube channel. ???? New episodes debut every other Saturday, so be sure you are subscribed to Happy Hobbit so that you don't miss out!

Get even more slow-living hobbit content by following Happy Hobbit on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok! If watching the show has left you with an appetite for more, know that Kili (Kellie) has a podcast where Tolkien is often mentioned called Forests, Folklore & Fantasy.

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Election Day is upon but let's review something truly scary.

Continue reading The Time Wars: Something other than the Election at The Wild Hunt.

"Regard your good name as the richest jewel you can possibly be possessed of - for credit is like fire; when once you have kindled it you may easily preserve it, but if you once extinguish it, you will find it an arduous task to rekindle it again. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear."

"You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll be left with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering."

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours."