PEACE and VICTORY were the headlines as the U.S. defeated Germany.

HI FOLKS, how are you guys doing? This cheery text arrives on my phone several times a week, so now I share it with you. I hope you're all well, coping, and haven't yet reached the end of your tethers.

I CAN'T help feeling that this is all a long-delayed return to normal. I know the lockdown feels abnormal, and I suppose it is, in that we've never seen anything like it before. But beyond that, I have a powerful sense that normal relations have merely been resumed; the age-old see-saw relationship between man and planet re-established.

IN THESE uncertain days of lockdown, I sense a strange inversion of intergenerational strife.

I'VE NEVER seen or heard anything like it. Or rather, NOT heard. I was on the green roof of London: Kite Hill, the highest spot on Hampstead Heath, and summit of my daily permitted exercise routine.

THE RISKS of lockdown are threatening to become greater than the risk of catching the coronavirus.The blunt instrument of social and economic shutdown may soon begin to bludgeon more people to death than the microscopic bug it is meant to protect us from.

I FEAR that holding Downing Street media briefings about the virus every single afternoon is now totally counterproductive.

SIX WEEKS into lockdown and every day brings fresh headlines and behaviour you simply couldn't and wouldn't have predicted when you went to bed the night before.

I'VE BEEN feeling increasingly uncomfortable watching the nightly news on television. We both have. Bulletins - particularly those on the BBC - are increasingly more like a newspaper's obituary page.

WE'RE living in strange times all right. But the weird world of Covid isolation took on a dreamlike quality for me and Richard the week before last. That was when we filmed our week-long series about lockdown reading for Channel 4, five shows which were broadcast this week from our living room.

PROFESSOR Neil "do as I say, not as I do" Ferguson has had a bad week, which he brought entirely on himself.

Kat (Monday's letters) the pedants' plural for the octopus is 'octopodes' since the word is of Ancient Greek rather than Latin origin - this is why the pedants' word for 'Latin name' for a species is 'scientific name', since not all species names are in Latin. For regular folk ˜octopuses" are perfectly acceptable; this also avoids invoking James Bond film titles. Pedants may wish to note that Octopussy wasn't a James Bond book title in itself... I could go on; the world of the pedant is a Mandelbrotian nightmare. I'll get my anorak.
Duncan, Hurstpierpoint

Kat, (Monday's letters)
modern dictionaries say 'octopuses' or 'octopi' are acceptable, but marine biologists prefer 'octopodes'. Although quite how you could make something of that in Scrabble, I have no idea...
Fee Lock, Hastings, East Sussex

Re: Iron Lady's passing. Handbags at half mast today.
Candace, New Jersey, US

To Rob Falconer (Monday's letters), I don't know why you're worrying about that rabbit eating 50 quids worth of lettuce and carrots or whatever. He'll still have three quid left over for frivolities such as visiting the Bunny Club.
Emigrant, Marseille, France

Kat, actually it's octopodes as the root word is Greek (eight-footed) not Latin. Yours in Pedantry.
Heather Simmons, Champaign, Illinois, USA

I'm aware that Lady Thatcher is dead, but the Magazine Monitor is more important.
Rob Mimpriss, Bangor, Wales

Oh, poor PM. I recommend a nice cup of hot cocoa, some biscuits, and a good thoughtless movie on the telly. Maybe an early bedtime, too.
Dragon, Concord, Calif, US

Duncan: "Pedants may wish to note that Octopussy wasn't a James Bond book title in itself"
No, but it was itself in a James Bond book title: "Octopussy and the Living Daylights", a book of (two) short stories by Ian Fleming published posthumously.
Goldfinger, London

Duncan (Tuesday's letters) - surely that should be "species' names"? I'll get my apostrophe.
David, Cardiff, South Wales

Fee - look for lots of space when your opponent plays "pod", and hope you have the right letters.
Mark, Banbury, Oxon

Really, it's their own fault for delaying this so long - had they done it earlier, there'd be less history to teach.
MK, Reading

Mark (Wednesday's Letters) - Fee can get her octopodes after the opponent plays to,top,op,po, pod,od,de,ode,odes or es. I'll get my tiles.
Steve, Southampton

I was out by one! When, on Monday, I saw the published letter on octopodes which said, and I quote, "octopuses (octopi?)", my first thought was "Ooh! That person really needs to know the correct plural of octopus! Somebody well-informed on such important matters had better write in and tell them. I'll do it." But I was busy, so I didn't. Instead, I mulled the matter over and came to the conclusion that you, Magazine Monitor, deliberately published that letter knowing that it would be extremely provoking to many of your readers, and that you would get a mailbag stuffed to the electronic gills with letters giving the proper plural form of the word. I then guessed that you would publish four of them.
P.S. Duncan's was my favourite.
James, Stockport

Dutch horse or Malian camel?
Martin, Luxembourg

How sad the Dutch didn't take warning - one of the companies behind the current meat scandal is in the town of Oss.
Rahere, Smithfield

The new Galaxy Mega phone appears to be displaying a weather forecast of a sunny 25 degrees for London on Tuesday April 30th. That must be almost as optimistic as the idea of getting a 6.3inch phone in your trouser pocket.
Simon, Cambridge

Re: labrador puppies tussling under one's jumper. Running does, however, have a synchronising effect on those puppies. The scientific question then becomes a problem of clockwise or anti-clockwise motion.
Candace, New Jersey, US

"Jam firm given permission to spread"? So what else are you supposed to do with it? Fire it off your spoon like a trebuchet? Sheesh!
Fi, Gloucestershire, UK

I could point out that 50,000 tons of meat is equivalent to about two thirds of the London bus fleet but that doesn't help very much. 50,000 tons of meat is one dodgy quarter-pounder for every EU citizen.
David Richerby, Liverpool, UK

Great. As if we weren't already being forced to hear people chatting on their mobiles in public too much. Now we're going to have to put up with mega-phones.
Dave, Truro

There IS a God!
Angus Gafraidh, London UK

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience

1. Tears do not fall in space.
More details (Daily Telegraph)

2. Employees who install new web browsers on their computers perform better on average than those who use the default pre-installed browser that came with their machine.
More details (The Economist)

3. Methane eating micro-organisms carry out a deep clean of the oceans after an oil spill.
More details

4. Scientists are conducting searches for signs of extraterrestrial engineering.
More details (New Scientist)

5. The most popular place to hide valuables is a sock drawer.
More details (Daily Telegraph)

6. Fractions of virtual currency Bitcoin are known as satoshis.
More details (The Economist)

7. People in China hold "fake funerals" for themselves, so they can "enjoy" the day.
More details (Metro)

8. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak belonged to a group of hackers and hobbyists called the Homebrew Computer Club.
More details

9. Brains can be rendered transparent.
More details (Smithsonian Magazine)

10. Countries with the death penalty are now outnumbered by about five to one, by those who have abolished it.
More details (Guardian)

Vodafone making bird-brained decisions like usual.
Chris Malton, Southampton, UK

Re this story: It calls to mind Mario Balotelli's reply when police questioned why he had £5,000 in cash on his person - "Because I am rich".
AD, London

Streetview, Pot, Kettle, Black.
Andrew, Malvern, UK

Considering what a superlative conductor of electricity gold is, I do believe that Datta Phuge has become the world's most expensive lightning rod.
roarshock, Oregon, USA

I just want to clear up any confusion regarding this story "Narrow Swindon alleyway painted with double yellow lines". This is an art installation and is a project on my media studies course. I'll get my paint brush.
Graham, Hayle, Cornwall

Andrew, Malvern, I knew I should have closed the curtains when the car drove past. Now everyone knows the colours of my kitchenware!
Darren, Birmingham

Re: tobacco memories. My grandfather regularly fielding calls at his corner grocery asking "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
Candace, New Jersey, US

Re: the story on Liberace. He was gay? Honestly? Well I would never have thought it. While the revelation floodgates have been opened - d'you have you any clues to the religious leanings of the Pope?
Ted Rodgers, Cheshire

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This year, I am currently making over $12,000 less a year then I was supposed to when I was hired in 2004, a letter to the editor says.

Right now there is an epidemic of suicides and opioid overdoses, on top of the unacceptably high murder rate in the city, a letter to the editor says.

Education is the smartest investment an individual or a society can make, a letter to the editor says.

In this materialistic culture, this holiday stands alone as a time to reflect on the blessings we've been given by God, a letter to the editor says.

If used properly and regulated in a reasonable fashion, vape technology can have a positive public health impact

Carmel is spending too much taxpayer money building expensive roundabouts when simpler ones would be enough, a letter to the editor says.

The best way for Indiana to continue its momentum and move forward is with Holcomb's leadership, a letter to the editor says.

Half of Americans do not vote, and many choose not to stay politically informed because the display can be infuriating, a letter to the editor says.

We need to educate ourselves and then trust the process the framers' included in the Constitution, a letter to the editor says.

The interstates were a disaster with snow more than 3 inches deep in places, a letter to the editor says.

Trump will fade into history, but his legacy and the failure of leadership in Congress will long be remembered, a letter to the editor says.

In 2019, we connected young people to shelter, food, counseling, a non-judgmental listening ear and more, a letter to the editor says.

Everywhere I look I see the most heinous and immoral acts.

We have not kept up, and we are losing a generation of teachers.

The alarming rise of anti-Semitism in this country and other parts of the world is completely unacceptable, a letter to the editor says.

'Thank God we have a president in office with a backbone.'