Vodafone making bird-brained decisions like usual.
Chris Malton, Southampton, UK

Re this story: It calls to mind Mario Balotelli's reply when police questioned why he had £5,000 in cash on his person - "Because I am rich".
AD, London

Streetview, Pot, Kettle, Black.
Andrew, Malvern, UK

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

There's crime stories. And then there's quirky crime stories.

The Daily Telegraph headline gives you a clue that this is a nice, light story about how crime doesn't pay.

"Happiness is... a burglar wasting three days for pouch of tobacco."

The ne'er-do-well spent three nights chiselling away at the wall of Medway Motorcycles in Rochester to make a hole big enough to squeeze into. Finally he breached the 2ft-thick wall. The high performance bikes were to be his. And then he realised he'd forgotten about the alarm.

"One false move towards the bikes would have sent the alarm ringing," the paper reports. "So the thief crept up to the first floor instead, looking for items to steal."

In the end he left with just a packet of rolling tobacco worth £3.

"When I got here the next morning the place was in a right state but all I can see he has nicked is my Golden Virginia," the owner says.

The proprietor's surname is Eastwood. If only he'd caught the burglar in the act.

Imagine the scene, burglar holding the Golden Virginia, Eastwood - first name Jez but we'll gloss over that - reaching for his pretend, concealed .44 Magnum: "You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

It took Paper Monitor a while to work out the happiness allusion of the headline.

A clue - it depends how many TV ads you remember from the 1980s that used Bach's Air on a G string to conjure up plumes of sensuous tobacco smoke. Answers to the usual place.

Considering what a superlative conductor of electricity gold is, I do believe that Datta Phuge has become the world's most expensive lightning rod.
roarshock, Oregon, USA

I just want to clear up any confusion regarding this story "Narrow Swindon alleyway painted with double yellow lines". This is an art installation and is a project on my media studies course. I'll get my paint brush.
Graham, Hayle, Cornwall

Andrew, Malvern, I knew I should have closed the curtains when the car drove past. Now everyone knows the colours of my kitchenware!
Darren, Birmingham

Re: tobacco memories. My grandfather regularly fielding calls at his corner grocery asking "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
Candace, New Jersey, US

Re: the story on Liberace. He was gay? Honestly? Well I would never have thought it. While the revelation floodgates have been opened - d'you have you any clues to the religious leanings of the Pope?
Ted Rodgers, Cheshire

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Hair we go again. Sorry, Paper Monitor couldn't resist.

Yes, it's another hair story, and yes, there's a picture of Jennifer Aniston.

This time, however, the Daily Mail reports that the Friends star has finally fallen out of favour. At least, her hairstyle has anyway.

It says a survey on the best onscreen hairstyles reveals her locks are no longer the most influential.

"Sorry, Jen... Anne's top of the crops," is its headline, revealing that Anne Hathaway's crowning glory has outshone the competition.

The elfin cut was first sported in the 2011 adaptation of David Nicholls's hit novel One Day. But it was her Oscar-winning turn in Les Miserables, as Fantine, which saw her cut it off for an extended period.

The actress was said to be "inconsolable" after the chop so it's quite a turnaround.

For those interested in which other celebrities made the cut, Miss Aniston's long curly style in Along Came Polly was in second place. And Audrey Hepburn's "up do" from 1963 film Charade in third.

This is our last entry on this page.

Just as Monitor Towers has moved, so the Monitor itself is relocating to a new home, with a fresh format.

Visit our new page to keep up with Paper Monitor, Caption Competition, your letters and some other things too.

This version of the Monitor will no longer be updated, but it will remain here for posterity.

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This year, I am currently making over $12,000 less a year then I was supposed to when I was hired in 2004, a letter to the editor says.

Right now there is an epidemic of suicides and opioid overdoses, on top of the unacceptably high murder rate in the city, a letter to the editor says.

Education is the smartest investment an individual or a society can make, a letter to the editor says.

In this materialistic culture, this holiday stands alone as a time to reflect on the blessings we've been given by God, a letter to the editor says.

If used properly and regulated in a reasonable fashion, vape technology can have a positive public health impact

Carmel is spending too much taxpayer money building expensive roundabouts when simpler ones would be enough, a letter to the editor says.

The best way for Indiana to continue its momentum and move forward is with Holcomb's leadership, a letter to the editor says.

Half of Americans do not vote, and many choose not to stay politically informed because the display can be infuriating, a letter to the editor says.

We need to educate ourselves and then trust the process the framers' included in the Constitution, a letter to the editor says.

The interstates were a disaster with snow more than 3 inches deep in places, a letter to the editor says.

Trump will fade into history, but his legacy and the failure of leadership in Congress will long be remembered, a letter to the editor says.

In 2019, we connected young people to shelter, food, counseling, a non-judgmental listening ear and more, a letter to the editor says.

Everywhere I look I see the most heinous and immoral acts.

We have not kept up, and we are losing a generation of teachers.

The alarming rise of anti-Semitism in this country and other parts of the world is completely unacceptable, a letter to the editor says.

'Thank God we have a president in office with a backbone.'

Our leaders need to get back to the roles they were elected to and stop playing politics, a letter to the editor says.

Future authorizations must be limited in scope and duration so that wars can no longer be waged endlessly without public deliberation, a letter says.

The governor expects teachers to wait until the 2021 budget before he does anything significant, a letter to the editor says.

Lawmakers should support SB 111 as an investment to make Indiana families stronger now and in the future, a letter to the editor says.

In our state, sex without consent is not a crime unless there is force, the threat of force or incapacitation, a letter to the editor says.

An average of 907 Hoosiers are killed by guns each year, and 85 of those are children, a letter to the editor says.

If I was just passing through on my way somewhere else, what I see along the roadside would not encourage me to stay, a letter to the editor says.

Keeping him in office prevents the left from destroying America with their socialistic ideology, a letter to the editor says.

It was clear from the beginning it was going to be totally partisan, yet the hatred for Trump drove them on, a letter to the editor says

When people have no respect for lives of others, it explains why the smallest disagreement can result in violent acts, a letter to the editor says.

More than half of the politicians that we voted in were on their cell phones, a letter to the editor says.

For too long, the health of women has been controlled by legislatures that are majority male or biased by their own religious beliefs, a letter says.

The Legislature should declare a voting holiday to make it easier for all Hoosiers to vote on election day, a letter to the editor says.

We all must work together to dismantle the barriers and empower our neighbors for a truly inclusive city, a letter to the editor says.