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Friday 8th May 2020




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Relief in Nigeria as main cities ease Covid-19 lockdown

Nigeria's main cities of Lagos and Abuja see an easing of coronavirus lockdown restrictions, but many businesses are still shut and social distancing measures remain in place. Our correspondent tells us more. Meanwhile, South Africa also sees some businesses reopen after five weeks of lockdown. Plus, charities and organisations in Morocco come together to support those in need during Ramadan. In a country where the informal economy accounts for more than 20 percent of GDP, the lockdown has been tough for many people, as our correspondents report.



  • Eye on Africa

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French Foreign Legion soldier dies in combat in Mali

A French Foreign Legion soldier was killed in combat in Mali, the Élysée presidential palace announced in a press release on Monday.




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‘Today is wonderful’: Relief in Lagos as Nigeria emerges from Covid-19 lockdown

Africa’s biggest city, Lagos, returned to work on Monday at the end of a five-week coronavirus lockdown.




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Covid-19 in Madagascar: The president’s controversial ‘miracle cure’

Last month, the president of Madagascar and the country’s Institute for Applied Research launched Covid-Organics (CVO), a drink derived from the artemisia plant they claim can treat and prevent Covid-19. Now other countries in the region are beginning to import the herbal remedy, despite a lack of scientific research to back up its billing as a miracle cure for the coronavirus.  




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Covid-19: Uganda extends lockdown for two weeks but slowly eases measures

Uganda moved quickly to bring in one of the toughest coronavirus lockdowns in the region. That's now been extended for another two weeks even as some restrictions are lifted, allowing a number of businesses to reopen. Also, moves to bring in criminal penalties for female genital mutilation in Sudan are welcomed by activists, who hope that changes brought in since the fall of Omar al-Bashir last year will mean a huge step forward for women's rights. Finally, journalists in Cameroon worry their newspapers will not survive lockdown restrictions.



  • Eye on Africa

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Boko Haram jihadists in deadly clash with army in southwestern Niger

Boko Haram fighters clashed with government forces on Sunday in Diffa, the largest city in southwestern Niger, in what the jihadists said was a successful attack on a military camp.   




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Malawi opposition leaders file bids for election re-run

Supporters of Malawi's opposition took to the streets of Blantyre on Wednesday as their presidential candidate presented nomination papers for the July re-run of last year's election. The outcome initially returned President Peter Mutharika to office, but the result was historically overturned in a landmark court ruling in February. Meanwhile in Burkina Faso, a young man has created a digital school so that students can keep taking classes on their smartphones during the lockdown. And finally, South Africa turns to virtual tourism as national parks stream their safaris online.



  • Eye on Africa

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Russian mercenaries are fighting in Libya, UN diplomats say

Mercenaries from the Wagner Group, a Russian paramilitary organization seen as being close to Vladimir Putin, are fighting in Libya, UN diplomats said Wednesday, citing an experts' report on the country's arms embargo.




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Republic of Congo's President Sassou-Nguesso: 'We've noticed a rise in the Covid-19 epidemic'

In an exclusive interview with FRANCE 24 and RFI, the president of the Republic of Congo, Denis Sassou-Nguesso, discussed the Covid-19 pandemic in his country, as well as a controversial treatment developed in Madagascar that the Republic of Congo plans to use. He also talked about the economic consequences of the health crisis and asked for up to "$500 million" in aid from the IMF. Finally, he ruled out the release of two jailed political opponents, Jean-Marie Michel Mokoko and André Okombi Salissa, on health and humanitarian grounds.




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Rights groups fear disaster in DR Congo's overcrowded prisons

We bring you a report from the Democratic Republic of Congo, where there is growing concern about the safety of prisoners due to the coronavirus outbreak. More than 100 cases of Covid-19 have been reported in Kinshasa's Ndolo military prison. The UN estimates that the country's main prisons are, on average, at 432% capacity. We speak to the Central Africa Director for Human Rights Watch for his take on the situation. 



  • Eye on Africa

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It is I Who Planted, Within the Mind of Elon Musk, the Imbecilic Idea to Shoot a Car Into Space

Please accept this as an apology, of sorts.




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We Need More Plots to Kill Hitler

Especially Sunrise Elementary School, they need a LOT more plots to kill Hitler




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The Tiger King and I - My Stories from Working at America's Most Controversial Zoo

An exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 2 - The Tour Doesn't Start for Two Weeks

Part 2 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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PYF Drawing of Shrek from memory

If you have not watched 2001's Shrek repeatedly until you know every line, you will never be half the vampire hunter Lt. Col Neville was. Also your drawings of Shrek might be off.




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Interview with Rani Baker game designer, music genius, queen of nightmares

Interview with Rani Baker, Goon Lurker and Internet Hero.




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It is I Who Planted, Within the Mind of Elon Musk, the Imbecilic Idea to Shoot a Car Into Space pt.2

There we both were, opting to let the free market do what it does best — provide, devoid of scruples, even the most reprehensible and insane services to the extravagantly wealthy.




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Designing Your Zen Kitchen

Home cooking doesn’t have to be a chore, it can also free your energies from the husks that bind us.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 3 - Of Kangaroos and Men

Part 3 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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I Lost My Faith In President Mountain

Growing up, I was indoctrinated to believe that many of the Founding Fathers of America were real people that walked the earth, not just fairytales. But now as I've grown up, I'm starting to doubt it all.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 4 - Chainsaws and Colostomy Bags

Part 4 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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I Have No Chill And I Must Scream

I am Chill. I was not always so. If anger rides you like a hateful steed, then friend, follow my ways.




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Another Day At The Bounce House Business Complex

Brain Surgeon For Fleas? Sorry, you've got the wrong bounce house. You need to go that way, just past the Warhammer Miniatures Painting Workshop bounce house.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 5 - The Tour Begins

Part 5 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 6 - Cuba and Other Places Than These

Part 6 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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I Stopped My Childhood Bully with Just Two Words (and I Came to Regret It)

A journey to stop a bully has unintended emotional consequences.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 7 - Tempers Flare and TimTim shows himself

Part 7 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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It is I Who Planted, Within the Mind of Elon Musk, the Imbecilic Idea to Shoot a Car Into Space pt.3

Finally you know the whole story.




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The Tiger King and I: Part 8 - Clowns on The Death March, Tour is Over

Part 8 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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The Tiger King and I: The Final Part - The Amish Are Not Cool and I'm Coming Home

Part 9, the final installment, of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.




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The Best Puns are Accidental

Everything sucks and the world is run by assholes. Everything is way too expensive for how little fun this all is. Have a joke about a goose.




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Filling In An IKEA Manual's Missing Words

Screw the four brackets into the four legs. If you find yourself screwing a fifth bracket into a fifth leg, something has gone terribly wrong.




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The Five Flavors of Grief - They’re not Just Delicious with Death, Anymore!

My recent trip to the hospital led me to become convinced that reversing the five stages of death has magically beneficial properties.




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Awfully Weird Tales #1

The SA forums goons make a pulp scifi/fantasy 'zine that puts old William Gaines to shame! I mean, additional shame, on top of the misogyny and functional illiteracy.




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To Mrs. Villagrande, on the Information Superhighway

BFM recounts the caseworker who finally proved to him that there are nice people in this world, and the changes that appear sudden to us now are anything but.




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Disney Announces VALIANT Remake

Disney is remaking another one of their beloved classics, but it looks like not all fans are happy about it!




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We Are Powerless To Stop The Nightmare That Is Marmaduke

"And the nights grew hot with the bulk of it, and the days were spent in toil and anguish, feeding and walking, feeding and walking-"




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Everything You Knew About Dinosaurs Was WRONG

Misconception: T-Rex was king of the dinosaurs. WRONG. Dinosaurs had no king. Rather than establishing a traditional monarchy, they adopted a parliamentary republic with citizen-initiated referenda.




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The NFL Draft Will Combine New Tech with Old Coaches and It Will Be a Glorious Train Wreck

With dozens of stodgy old people collectively using new meeting technology to hold the NFL draft virtually, there will almost definitely be some crazy shenanigans like the ones described in this article.




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D&D's The Tomb of Horror, except every player is operating a bulldozer

The goons of BYOB take on an all-time classic dungeon with a slightly adjusted equipment list. What's the CR adjustment on a bulldozer anyway? So the boss should have *scribbles* 2d6+6 slimes now, hmm... with +1 hardhats, yeah! *scribbles*.




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How A Taco Bell Competition Changed My Life

The true story of how a fast food restaurant indirectly led to our indie game studio's success.




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The Last Of Us 2 Leak: Full Details VERY Real

A newly implemented Vancian magic system requires you to rest after using up your daily allotment of arcane powers.




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Top-Notch Lord of the Rings Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock! Who's there? Lembas. Lembas who? Lembas in already, we're cold out here!




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The Greatest Video Game of All Time Is Finally Here!

Hey, Gamers: Do you like Super Mario, Doom, Animal Crossing, Forza, Civilization, Slay the Spire, and sandwiches? Then you’ll LOVE the hot new release: Maximum Outer Space




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town crier reading this month's balance patch to the gladiators

Any game that's out long enough will inevitably be ruined by endless "balance" patches, tweaks that either nerf or beef every little thing until the whole experience is either milquetoast or apeshit. The goons apply the latter method to Ancient Rome itself, somehow!




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GET MOTIVATED!

In these troubling times, motivation is at an all-time low. Lucky for you, we have the tips you need to get that rear in gear!




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EVERYMAN: A Product from Unilever™

You don't want it, but brother, we've got it! Give us your money! Now! NOW!!




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Mount & Blade 2: The Adventures of Lunk

By virtue of one thousand pieces of unearned gold and the fact that my floppy white buttcheeks are planted on the top of a horse, I am a leader of soldiers. Well, I say soldiers. What I mean is four grubby drifters with spears and more ear hair than combat experience.




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Covid and Our Mental Health (Part 1)

Advice about how to treat handling your mental health differently than you would during a normal crisis