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Pronouns and terms of address

Seen several variations of this floating around. This particular version I got from ghoti_mhic_uait who pointed out that whether and how some of them are gendered can be really regional.

It/its - Basically nobody ever uses 'it' spontaneously unless they are trying to insult people for being GNC or perceived as trans. Most people perceive me as a not particularly feminine woman, so 'it' pretty much doesn't happen. I don't have any wish to be insulted by people who hate non-binary folk, but in the abstract I somewhat prefer 'it' to 'they'.

She/her - Most usual pronouns for me, and what I'll pick if people ask for pronouns and I don't want to be that annoying cis person who says 'I don't mind'. But actually I kind of don't mind.

He/him - I about equally don't mind 'he' as 'she', but in practice nobody ever reads me as male. I'll correct it if we're in an online discussion where people assume that articulate and sensible = male, but otherwise, emotionally it would be fine, realistically not very likely.

They/them - I feel guilty for saying this but I somewhat dislike being referred to as 'they'. I think it's the same objection I used to have when 'Ms' became common. It ought to mean that my gender (marital status) is irrelevant to what people are saying about me, which is correct, but actually it seems to mark me as one of those people for whom non-binary gender (or non-determinate marital status) is really important. So I don't like 'they' because I feel like I'm being gendered as a gender rebel, which I'm really not, I have no spare energy for activism around not fitting into the female box. I am entirely happy to refer to other people as they and hopefully wouldn't make too many assumptions about anybody else's gender politics, but I dislike it for myself.

Neo-pronouns - If it were a politically uncomplicated choice, and didn't have the same problem as 'they' that neo-pronouns mark you as a gender rebel, this would probably be my preference. I particularly relate to zie / hir ; some people object to this set because it sounds like German 'sie' meaning 'she' and therefore isn't truly gender neutral. But actually that matches pretty well how I feel about myself. I'm sort of female-ish, if people think of me as somewhere on the female side of neutral, that's about right. Also, as you can see from my icon, my preferred pronoun in Swedish is definitely 'hen'; yes, it does sound like the feminine gendered English word 'hen', which is a problem for many bilingual people, but for me personally it works really well.

Mr. - Can't really imagine this happening to me. Sometimes I choose it in a fit of pique if I'm choosing from a fixed list with only inappropriate title options. But just like I'm never going to be called 'he' spontaneously, nobody ever calls me Mr.

Mx - Don't love Mx but I'm ok with it. If social norms shift to the point that Mx is the default that people start out with rather than assuming Mr or Ms, that would be ok with me. But I don't love it anywhere near enough to insist on it if people are using a different title. (I don't like to spell it with a dot as it was in the list I copied from, 'Mx.' just looks wrong to me because it isn't an abbreviation for anything.)

Miss - My preferred title if Dr. isn't available. I dislike when people who don't know my name just call me 'Miss', but in a formal context where we're using titles, I will opt for 'Miss Surname'.

Ms - I guess, if I can't have Dr or Miss, then Ms is probably better that the other options. I am less prickly about being identified as a feminist than I was years ago, but it kind of doesn't really feel like me and I'd rather have Mx.

Mrs. - Don't like this because there is no sensible combination of 'Mrs.' with a surname. I don't have the same surname as my husband, so calling me 'Mrs. Hisname' is incorrect, but calling me 'Mrs. Myname' doesn't work either because it's not a married name, it's the same surname I was assigned at birth. A few distant relatives on both sides do default to 'Mrs. Hisname', and I don't really take offence at it, it's just a slightly incorrect formalism, not an insult. It just feels completely irrelevant to how I think of myself.

Dr. - This is my correct and earned title, which is incidentally gender neutral. I don't like being pretentious enough to insist on it always, but if I have to give a formal title to a random customer service bod, then Dr. is more correct than any of the other options. I'm happy to be addressed as 'Dr. Surname' if we are being formal. I'm not a fan of being addressed as just 'Dr.' or 'Doc', but I suppose it's better than plain 'Miss'.

Sir - I can't imagine a situation where someone would call me Sir outside a kink scene. And even then I'm almost exclusively submissive so it's not very likely. If I hypothetically did get read as male, and hypothetically it was the kind of context where 'Sir' is polite, I would be ok with it, but I'm not willing to go to the effort to be read as male, so it's not going to happen.

Ma'am - The cross-section of class and region I'm most familiar with doesn't use this. I have occasionally been called 'Madam' and I'm ok with that if it's a mark of genuine respect from someone who doesn't have a clue what my name or title are, not if it's sarcastic.

Dude - Relatively gender neutral in my dialect, but mostly used as an expression of surprise. So I wouldn't expect to be called 'dude' for real, but if it happened it would be ok.

Bro/bruh - I don't think anyone has ever called me either of these. If I heard it from someone from a similar sort of race and class background to me, I would assume they were taking the mick, either mocking me, or mocking what they perceive as a working class or ethnic minority dialect. If I were called 'bro' by someone who regularly calls people 'bro' that would be ok but again, unlikely because it's too male-gendered.

Sis - Fine from my actual siblings, and one particular friend with whom I have a negotiated fraternal relationship. Fine from people who are expressing feminist solidarity; I think I broadly prefer 'sister' over 'sis' but either is fine.

I'm also totally fine with Muslim women calling me 'sister' if they come from a culture where that's the general term of respect for anyone perceived as a woman. And if they normally only call fellow-Muslims 'sister' then it's a compliment to include a Jewish woman in the sisterhood. I don't expect it from Christians because I'm not a nun and not likely to be mistaken for one.

I wouldn't like to be called 'sis' by a stranger trying to get my attention though, it's one of the words that assumes intimacy.

Sib - Nobody really calls me 'sib' (or 'fam' for that matter). I like them, but they don't really belong in my culture and dialect.

Woman - I'm totally fine with being described as a woman. I strongly dislike being addressed as 'woman'; I can't think of a context where that would be anything other than deliberately rude.

Man - I don't think people call me 'man' directly. People use 'man' as an expression of emphasis, like, man, you're fast!. But I don't perceive that as being addressed as 'man'.

I have a few friends who will refer to me as a man if I happen to be wearing more masc attire than I usually do, and I am somewhat uncomfortable with that, because I'm not more male in trousers than a skirt, though I appreciate the underlying thought process which is to acknowledge gender-fluidity.

Boy - Implausible.

Girl - In a feminist-disapproved way, I do to some extent think of myself as a 'girl'. I am ok with other people calling me 'girl' in a context where it's obviously positive, like you go, girl!, but I wouldn't respond to someone calling me 'hey girl!' in the street. I might slightly ironically say 'because I'm a girl' when discussing some gender unfairness. I don't like people referring to me as a girl, because that can be patronizing. I particularly don't like 'girl' as a modifier; I'm not a 'girl scientist' or a 'girl manager' or a 'girl blogger', I'm a woman or female scientist.

King - I don't move in the kind of circles where this would ever be a term of address.

Queen - I think you have to be a certain kind of gay man or African American to call someone 'Queen' so this doesn't seem to fit me.

Prince - Implausible.

Princess - I kind of dislike this even as a term of endearment. It feels like a name for either a young child, or someone you don't really respect as a person but think of as basically an ornament or toy.

Captain - Completely irrelevant. The only time I'm ever even slightly likely to be addressed as 'Captain' is if someone is gently ribbing me for being bossy, which I suppose is ok if we have the kind of relationship where that sort of teasing is accepted.

Lady - As a term of address where this is culturally normal, fine. I don't feel personally excluded or hurt if someone addresses a speech to 'Ladies and Gentlemen'. If a complete stranger is trying to get my attention, I probably prefer 'lady' over 'girl', though neither is great. I don't mind when parents tell their children, say thankyou to the nice lady or similar. I would not expect anyone who knows my name to call me 'lady' instead. If someone is describing me rather than addressing me, I think 'woman' is a better word than 'lady', and 'person' is a better word still.

Feminine compliments - I don't entirely agree with the various examples from different versions of the meme of what constitutes a feminine, masculine or gender-neutral compliment. I broadly dislike 'feminine' compliments from people who don't know me well, because they are almost all about appearance, and because they are often belittling. If I'm in a close relationship with someone and feel comfortable with them complimenting my appearance, I prefer the gender-neutral 'gorgeous' over the more feminine-ish 'beautiful' as terms of address, but if it's a description rather than a name then it depends on the person giving the compliment.

Masculine compliments - I would love to be described as 'handsome', but it's never going to happen, because I'm really not. Also I don't like being addressed as 'handsome' in place of a name or title. What other masculine compliments even exist? I can't think of any of the top of my head.

Neutral compliments - In place of a name, supposedly neutral compliments are often feminized. Like, if a stranger calls me 'cute' or 'hot' or 'sexy' because they don't know my name, they're quite likely to be asserting gendered power over me and I don't like that. If someone wants to describe me in a sentence using complimentary language, I usually prefer neutral over explicitly feminine.

Honey, sweetie etc - If it's normal in someone's dialect to call random strangers by terms of endearment, that's fine. I think doing so can be gendered slightly female, but it doesn't bother me if someone calls me 'darling' or 'sweetheart' because they perceive me as female. I dislike endearments once I'm having an ongoing interaction with someone, in that case I want them to ask my name (or title, in a more professional context) and use it.

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Lots of weird but interesting stuff

It’s Sunday so that means this is a good place to put all the stuff that doesn’t fit anywhere else, like: ONE Let’s Pretend This Never Happened has a new cover and it’s adorable.  This means that if you have … Continue reading




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ГУМАНИЗМ В ЭПОХУ DIGITAL: ЧТО НАМ ГОТОВИТ НОВОЕ ЦИФРОВОЕ СООБЩЕСТВО ТЕОДОРА КУРЕНТЗИСА И MUSICAETERNA?

Все знают, коллектив MusicAeterna и его художественный руководитель Теодор Курентзис с декабря 2019 года активно работают над проектом культурно-образовательного центра Р. А. Д. И. О. в Санкт-Петербургском Доме Радио. Но карантин вносит в эту работу свои коррективы, и в конце апреля было объявлено об открытии digital platform — виртуальной творческой резиденции MusicAeterna. В скором времени на ней будет доступна онлайн-версия перформанса Алексея Ретинского «Слышать», посвященный Людвигу ван Бетховену. Анонсируем это событие статьей Анны Самсоненко, побывавшей на единственном представлении в феврале.




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Assembly Coffee Roasters Rwanda Bumbogo Coffee




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Glowforge Pro 3D Laser Printer







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A message from the Grand Master on pandemic response

The Grand Master Sabazius has provided some useful information and advice to O.T.O. members about how to respond to the COVID-19 pandemic.











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A snail in the hand is better than 10 on the roof

A snail in the hand is better than 10 on the roof



View Comic!







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Would fundamental rights in Malta be better off under British sovereignty?

Once more, one does not know if to cry or laugh; no, of course one should not laugh at the tragedy that Malta is causing many of the people in this country. In the former communist states, people were kept in prison without a trial. In Malta the state does exactly the same, see article in todays The Times. As stated before, the judicial system in Malta has collapsed and a thought has come to The Observer’s mind: In this sense may be Malta should be better off under British sovereignty. It is obvious to a foreigner that the government of Malta cannot live up to the most fundamental requirements for democracy, namely the one that a democracy do not keep people in prison without fair trials.







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173 gestrande Belgen eindelijk thuis na quarantaine in Tenerife: “Regering liet ons aan ons lot over. We hebben twee maanden op ons terras moeten doorbrengen” - Het Laatste Nieuws

  1. 173 gestrande Belgen eindelijk thuis na quarantaine in Tenerife: “Regering liet ons aan ons lot over. We hebben twee maanden op ons terras moeten doorbrengen”  Het Laatste Nieuws
  2. 173 gestrande Belgen eindelijk thuis na quarantaine in Tenerife: “Regering heeft te weinig gedaan!”  Het Laatste Nieuws
  3. Na quarantaine in Tenerife: 173 Belgen eindelijk weer thuis  De Morgen
  4. Belgen die vastzaten op Tenerife charterden zelf vliegtuig naar huis  De Standaard
  5. West-Vlaming regelt repatriëring gestrande Belgen  Focus en WTV
  6. Hele verhaal bekijken via Google Nieuws










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The Iron Dragon's Daughter E-Book Only $1.99--MONDAY ONLY!

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More than a quarter-century ago, I was driving to Pittsburgh, with my wife, Marianne Porter, and we were talking about fantasy and about steam locomotives. I made a joke about the Baldwin Steam Dragon Works and Marianne laughed. Then, another mile or so down the road, I said, "Write that down, please."

Thus was born the Iron Dragons Trilogy, a trio of stand-alone books, the third of which, The Iron Dragon's Mother, was published just last year.

Far more recently, just an hour or so ago, I got an email from my associates at Open Road Media, telling me that The Iron Dragon's Mother, first of the three, will be on sale for $1.99 this coming Monday, March 23.

That's one day only BUT this time the sale includes Canada. Which I am very grateful for because the Canadian science fiction community has always been very warm and kind to  me.

Anyway, here's the boilerplate below, cut-and-pasted from the corporate email:


We are pleased to let you know that the following ebook(s) will be featured in price promotions soon.


ISBN13 Title Author Promo Type Country Start Date End Date Promo Price
9781504025669 The Iron Dragon's Daughter Swanwick, Michael ORM - Early Bird Books NL US 2020-03-23 2020-03-23 $1.99
9781504025669 The Iron Dragon's Daughter Swanwick, Michael ORM - Early Bird Books NL CA 2020-03-23 2020-03-23 $1.99


Open Road will promote the feature via social media. We hope you can share the deal with your network as well. You can subscribe to the newsletters at the links below so that you will get the direct link to the deal on the day that it appears.


Newsletter Link
  Early Bird Books     Subscribe Now  
The Lineup Subscribe Now
The Portalist Subscribe Now
Murder & Mayhem Subscribe Now
A Love So True Subscribe Now
The Archive Subscribe Now
The Reader Subscribe Now


So if you (1) read e-books, (2) don't own a copy of The Iron Dragon's Daughter, and (3) would like to... well, here's your opportunity to do it on the cheap.





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The Iron Dragon's Daughter #-Book Sale TODAY ONLY!

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Just a reminder that people in Canada and the US can buy an e-book of The Iron Dragon's Mother, the first book of my stand-alone fantasy trilogy for only $1.99 today. Tomorrow will be too late:

Here's the boilerplate:




ISBN13 Title Author Promo Type Country Start Date End Date Promo Price
9781504025669 The Iron Dragon's Daughter Swanwick, Michael ORM - Early Bird Books NL US 2020-03-23 2020-03-23 $1.99
9781504025669 The Iron Dragon's Daughter Swanwick, Michael ORM - Early Bird Books NL CA 2020-03-23 2020-03-23 $1.99


Open Road will promote the feature via social media. We hope you can share the deal with your network as well. You can subscribe to the newsletters at the links below so that you will get the direct link to the deal on the day that it appears.



Newsletter Link
  Early Bird Books     Subscribe Now  
The Lineup Subscribe Now
The Portalist Subscribe Now
Murder & Mayhem Subscribe Now
A Love So True Subscribe Now
The Archive Subscribe Now
The Reader Subscribe Now

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The Mysteries of the Faceless King

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Coming soon from PS Publishing is The Mysteries of the Faceless King, the first of two volumes collecting the best of Darrell Schweitzer's short fiction. Beautifully made, with a cover by the estimable Jason Van Hollander.

Also, an introduction by (cough) me. Here's how that begins:

Once upon a time . . .None of the stories collected herein begin with those words, though some come close. But they might as well. For Darrell Schweitzer writes a very traditional sort of story. His fiction is almost always fantasy, which is a mode nested deep in the roots of Story; usually horror, a mode as old as nightmares; and very often weird fantasy, a much more recent mode but one that is dear to his heart. Most could have been written a hundred years ago—or, with equal ease, a hundred years in the future. This is not a criticism. Timelessness is precisely what he is after.

PS Publishing has posted the entirety of the introduction online, preparatory to publication of the book sometime this month. So if you're curious as to what I said, you have only two options. You can buy the book. Or you can read the intro online for free.

But if you don't buy the book, you won't get the stories. You're in a quandary.

You can find the entire introductory essay here. Or you can just go to the PS Publishing website and wander about, marveling at how many of their books you want by clicking here.


And I should remind you . . .

The ebook of The Iron Dragon's Daughter, the first of three stand-alone fantasies in the Iron Dragons Trilogy, goes on sale tomorrow (Wednesday, April 1, 2020) for the one day only for only $1.99. That's a good deal. But only tomorrow and only in Canada and the US.


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Toronto’s Long-Term Financial Plan: The Bill is Due

As his parting gift to Toronto Council, City Manager Peter Wallace spells out the effect of years of promised new services and infrastructure unmatched by revenue to build and operate our dream city.

Toronto Council is good at making promises, voting for better services, new transit lines, a revitalized expressway, but too many of these promises depend on money the city does not have. At budget time, city staff work their magic and trim spending to fit the available dollars. Programs are stretched to make do with less […]

The post Toronto’s Long-Term Financial Plan: The Bill is Due appeared first on Torontoist.




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Harlem figure skating gala pivots from ice to internet

Unable to stage its big fundraiser because of the pandemic, Figure Skating in Harlem is going from the ice to the internet




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Internet Addiction Drives Creative Solutions

Power outage? Grab a length of steel automotive brakeline tubing, the straw from a box of Yoo-Hoo, D-cell batteries to make a 6V. Also may require generous amounts of duct tape, electrical tape, bell wire, and boredom.




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Sally Forth: Happy Easter Flashback!




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Faster Harder Mad Max

With this video I wanted to get outside of my comfort level in terms of the music that I normally listen to or use in my videos




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Terminator Drop The Bombshell

One of my favorite bands from the 90's is Powerman 5000. My favorite song of theirs is Drop The Bombshell, a really fast paced song that I thought would be a perfit fit to the Terminator movies




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Terminator Samson And Delilah

This is the last video I created using Windows Movie Maker before switching over to Adobe Premier Pro CS3. It's the first Terminator fan video I created where I used all four Terminator movies




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Job interview tips

Finding work, it's something we all have to do at some point. Given the state of recent events with the economy, finding a job can be even more frustrating and time consuming. So when your resume is looked at by a potential employer, and they call you in for an interview you want to give them every reason to make them think you're the right person for the job. Below I've listed some things to consider for the next time you're going in for a job interview




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How to promote your website using twitter

Using twitter is a great way to promote your website or blog and increase traffic. If your new to twitter and never used it before it works like this. You get 140 characters to write a short statement or advertisement depending on what you’re using the site for. Most people tweet simple things like there not feeling well or changes in their social life. All that’s fine but you want to use it to promote your website, so here are some simple things to optimize your tweets to get the maximum traffic return.




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Be A Better Bartender

This is something that needs knowing, whether you’re a bartender or a customer. I already covered the mysteries of tipping in my last post; now it’s all about making sure that the money you’re handing over – as a gift – is well earned! There is a certain way to do things in this industry, and not knowing them can seriously damage your career, your reputation, not to mention your bank balance. Here are a list of things that I personally think a bartender should have in the back of their minds.




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Where To Find Water After A Disaster

After a natural disaster such as an earthquake one of your biggest if not most important priority after making sure your family is as safe as possible is to have a safe water supply. An emergency water supply is essential to your survival, depending on the level of devastation, and where in the world you live it could take several days or even weeks before help arrives.




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How To Purify Water After A Disaster

In an emergency having clean drinking water is vital to your survival. If your emergency supply runs out you need to know how to purify water. To do that you have three options 1. Boiling 2. Distillation 3. Chlorination




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When The SHTF How To Prepare For A Disaster Abroad

It seems like every other day there’s some natural disaster being broadcast on the news. From tornados, to floods, and the recent earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan. These are constant reminders that even though humanity can achieve a lot Mother Nature is still the boss. This also means that everyone should have a good grasp of disaster survival tips to prepare for when the SHTF. For most disaster preparedness means making a bug out bag and having some plan on how to prepare their home for a disasteror emergency.




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10 Annoying FaceBook And Twitter Habits You Should Never Do (blog post)

It seems everyone is on Facebook these days. But it also seems that a good majority of those on Facebook have some very annoying habits they might not even realize is. Here is a list of 10 annoying Facebook habits.




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5 Questions You Should Ask At Your Next Job Interview (blog post)

It’s normal to be nervous when being interviewed for a new job, especially if that job is one you really want. Because of that most prepare and rehearse what the interviewer is going to ask them, what your strengths are, do you have any weaknesses, can you work evenings and weekends that sort of thing................




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12 Alternatives To Google Adsense

When people think of advertising on their website their minds usually thinks of Google Adsense. It’s the biggest and best known after all and extremely easy to put into your site. In my personnel experience Google Adsense has worked well, however they have an extremely strict set of rules. These rules mean that a lot of sites can’t use Adsense on their site by default. Google is also notorious for banning accounts with no warning. Just look online and you easily find story after story about people losing their Adsense accounts for no apparent reason. Like I said I use Adsene and haven’t had any problems or have any complaints about them…….so far................... But just because Google is the biggest player doesn’t mean their the only one. So if your account with Adsense was banned and you’re looking for a new source of online revenue. Or you can’t stand Google and don’t want to deal with them, here is a list of some alternatives to Google Adsense worth checking out.




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8 Ways You Can Speed Up Internet Explorer

Nobody likes a slow internet browser; frankly it’s a royal pain in the ass. We have better things to do then sitting around waiting for a page to load only to stair at a blank page. When it comes to slow internet browsers Internet Explorer has a history of being slow and clunky even with the best connection possible. Even their latest update Internet Explorer 9 is still much slower then browsers like Google Chrome or Firefox............




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10 Ways To Speed Up Your Internet

Having a slow internet connection is a pain in the ass. I hate waiting for pages that seem to take forever to load, videos that constantly buffer, and browsers that fail because it takes too long to open a web page. It’s frustrating and I have better things to do just like you, then sitting around losing my mind because my internet speed is slower then the second coming of Christ. So I put together a list of 10 things you can do to speed up your internet...............




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Dead Man at Devil’s Cove, chapter 4, page 112A

Gosh, this page took a little while to get done