"Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad."

"All generalizations are dangerous, even this one."

Angels pornographic God’s eros unbound Beauty frozen in mouths agape And limbs interwound.  Beckoning above the Racing Forum But below Guns & Ammo Sultry eyes suggest  Two or three gathered in His name   Might make a spicy quorum.  Airbrushed, turgid, gynecological.  Just like icing on a cake Sweet at first, then like paste,   Love cannot […]

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Prologue       Chapter 1      Chapter 2      Chapter 3       Chapter 4 Chapter 5       Chapter 6      Chapter 7      Chapter 8       Chapter 9 Chapter 10    Chapter 11     Chapter 12     Chapter 13    Chapter 14 Chapter 15     Chapter 16     Chapter 17     … Continue reading Lyorn Discussion–Major Spoilers

It’s the day of international working class solidarity, so a few quick answers to some things I’ve been hearing. 1) No serious revolutionist has ever wanted to make things worse in order to incite revolution. Utter rubbish.  Especially now; things are quite bad enough. What’s missing is consciousness that there is a way forward, a … Continue reading May Day Post

This is a term I’ve heard often, as one of the goals of art, without really understanding it. I think I’ve figured out at least some of it now. Stay with me. I think I was 22 or so when my daughter, Carolyn, became seriously ill (and thank you Dr. Edlavitch!). My wife and I … Continue reading Generalized Human Experience

This has been my go-to summer steak for the last several years and I have some audacity to have gatekept it for so long. Mostly, we’ve been too busy eating it for me to grab the camera and shoot it and then sit down and write the recipe, which is hilarious as that’s, like, my whole job. But my brain softens in the summer, especially when my kids are away at sleepaway camp, as they are now, and we quickly lose whatever tethers we had to things like to-do lists, responsibilities, and adulting. And while I do not expect a skirt steak with a cherry tomato and sweet corn salad to shake the cooking internet off its axis, there are a bunch of tips tucked into this recipe that make it a reliable favorite, and I hope become part of your repertoire too.

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Ever heard of Stanley Stinkbug? 

 Yeah, me neither. 

 Apparently he's a children's character who looks like this:

As far as anthropomorphic bugs go, I guess he's not TOO terrifying. I'd put him somewhere between Heimlich the caterpillar and Hopper the evil grasshopper: Not a bug you'd want to cuddle, exactly, but that probably wouldn't make you run screaming from the room, either. Plus the neckerchief is fun.

Anyhoo, of course - of course - bakers have been asked to make cake versions of Stanley, and of course some of those bakers have done so... poorly.

The good news is today's baker was only asked to do a flat illustration on a cupcake cake (patooie!), which is a running head start, right? No molding or sculpting, just a picture. Heck, they could even print one out!

So what do you think, did they make Stanley's eyes all wonky? Is his scarf the wrong color, is he missing some legs? Oh! I know! I bet... you just want me to just show you the cake, don't you.

 Fine.

 BEHOLD!

Actual footage of my reaction:

Also now this gif is blocking my view of the cake, so... BONUS.

Now, before I nope right out of here, I'd like to point out that the baker CLEARLY thought management wanted an actual stinkbug cake for the display case, but never thought to ask A) WHY DEAR LORD WHY, or B) why it was named Stanley. 

 I mean, c'mon, you get told to draw a random bug named Stanley, tell me you wouldn't add some glasses and a sweater vest. That's just common sense.

Also, is this the sort of bakery where random horrific requests are this common? Was the baker asked to make a "Tiffany Tapeworm" last week, so Mr. Stinkbug was par for the course?

::dares to scroll up briefly to see the cake again::

K, last question: Did the baker think putting the giant semi-realistic stinkbug on a bed of lettuce... was helping??

Aaaaand I'M OUT.

Thank you(?), Emily S. I do not approve.
*****

P.S. After my crack about cuddle-worthy bugs, naturally I had to go see if I could find some. And I gotta say, the ant? ADORABLE:

Plush Bugs
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Happy Halloween, minions! Let’s go out with a bang, shall we? :D

Bakeries get a lot of leeway this time of year, since Halloween is supposed to have ugly gross stuff:

 

But there's raspberry jam soaked zombie faces, and then there's... uh... this:

Took me a solid minute to figure it out:

A banana shooting laser beams.

(I am SO GOOD AT THIS, you guys.)

 

Yep, bakers are once again trying to collectively punk the world, churning out ridiculous Halloween designs each more baffling than the last:

Aliens? Amoebas?
This guy?

 

I actually see this design a lot:

The angry toilet paper has sprouted arms, and is pulling itself to freedom.

 

While this roll vows revenge on airbrushes everywhere:

"I am not 'pretty,' I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?"

 

Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident.
Because if THAT doesn't say "Happy Halloween"... then don't worry 'cuz the board does:

 

For some reason ghost sperm are always a big seller this time of year:

They look kinda confused, though, right?
Like they can't tell if they're coming or going.

[HEYO.]

 

Also confused? Me, after looking at this thing:

They managed to get icing absolutely everywhere except on top of the cupcakes.
Now that's scary.

 

And finally, a possessed stove burner:

Because haunted appliances are SO hot right now.

("It burns. IT BURRRRNS!")

 Have fun tonight, gang! Remember, this is the one night of the year when it’s OK to have candy for dinner, so take FULL advantage.

There's a ghost of a chance Brittany D., Carrie, Ginny V., Karen S., Megan S., Karrie T., Jennifer K., Jennifer R., & Shannon T. will be ordering out tonight. You're welcome, ladies!

******

P.S. Today's TP ghost cakes led me to the best home accessory ever:

THIS, my friends, is a "Talking Toilet Paper Spindle." You record your own message, which it will play back when your guests spin the roll. [rubbing hands together evilly] I can't wait to use this baby at our next Christmas party.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

In this week’s podcast episode, we’re looking at the glorious  ads and features for the October/November 1988 issue of RT Magazine. Thank you to Amy M. for this issue! You can also find all the RTRW content at our category page for Romantic Times Rewind.  If you want to listen and follow along with this entry, we have more detail in the audio, but you can click play and listen and read and absorb all … Continue reading Romantic Times Rewind: October 1988 Ads & Features →

Welcome to Book Beat! Book Beat aims to highlight other books that we may hear about through friends, social media, or other sources. We could see a gorgeous ad! Or find a new-to-us author on a list of underrated romances! Think of Book Beat as Teen Beat or Tiger Beat, but for books. And no staples to open to get the fold-out poster.

Death at Morning House is a YA that’s part historical mystery, part haunted house story. I enjoyed it, but I kept getting pulled out of the story because it seemed wildly implausible to me that the kids in the book were as unsupervised as they were. In the present day, Marlowe Wexler is struggling with teenage awkwardness and realizing her own queer identity. When the book opens, she’s house-sitting for a friend of the family … Continue reading Death at Morning House by Maureen Johnson →

It’s time! Smart Bitches After Dark is open to everyone for registration! You can register now! Come on in, the mayhem is delightful! You might have seen our first After Dark posts go up the past two Sundays, with a link to register, but this is the Official Announcement. Mostly because I used Capital Letters. We already have over 100 members of the community registered, and it’s going to be a LOT of fun. You can … Continue reading Smart Bitches After Dark is Open for Registration! →

Tara Scott, staff writer at SBTB and co-host of the Queerly Recommended podcast, is in the interviewer’s chair, asking Amanda and me questions about Smart Bitches After Dark, our new community support wing. We talk about what After Dark is, and also about the larger enshittification of different parts of the internet, and how we navigate that as a 20 year old blog. Yay blogs! I was really nervous about being interviewed, and I hope … Continue reading 638. Smart Bitches After Dark – Tara interviews Sarah & Amanda →

Welcome back to Get Rec’d! This time around, I have a couple younger reads: a picture book and a graphic novel. I’ve also include some nonfiction and horror. Look, we’re knee deep in spooky season, so I had to include a seasonal recommendation, though you’ll catch me recommending spooky books all year round. Do you have any books you’d like to recommend? Or any slam dunk recommendations you’ve received lately? Let us know!

The temps are lowering, the holidays are coming, and ’tis the season to treat yourself! (Note: for a solid self-gift this month in the queer romance realm, check out the new edition of Alyssa Cole’s How to Find a Princess, coming in trade paperback for the first time on November 12th!)

Welcome back to Cover Awe! Cover illustration by Syd Mills From Cleo: Just look at it! It’s gorgeous. And it fits the book perfectly – a moody, sexy Sapphic UF romance between an ex-demon hunter with angelic blood and the demon sent to seduce and destroy her. Sarah: jaw hanging open. Amanda: It gives me renaissance painting vibes. Cover art and design by Katie Anderson Sarah: Hits a LOT of the trends Amanda and I … Continue reading Cover Awe: Immaculate Vibes →

Welcome back to Get Rec’d! Half of today’s books were recommend to me by colleagues and friends, and I wanted to pass them along to you. I think that’s what I love so much about having a personal bookish community, especially one where everyone has their niches. What book recommendations have you received recently? Do you also have your own wonderful bookish circles in your personal life?

It's pretty average tbh

Pintsize is doing book reviews now???

put those down, Moray

I'm gonna be at Gencon this August! I'll have some books and stuff and will be doing sketches and complimenting your pet photos. SEE YOU THERE???

I'm gonna be at Gencon at booth 1237 this weekend! I'll have some books and stuff and will be doing sketches and complimenting your pet photos. SEE YOU THERE???

do not perceive her

wait, who's funding this research anyway

who even invited her

Anh no

PICKLED

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