As I layered up for the snow today, I figured out why I had these plain Jane earrings in my collection. They’re the companions for this Karen McCorckle beautifully caned angel pin that I love. Oh, that goes back a couple of interesting decades! Karen told us that she conditioned clay when she went to […] Read more

I’ve almost forgotten how to post! But really, who can miss Valentine’s Day? Christi Friesen has been tucking these languorous beauties in orders all month. Her hearts are encrusted with flowers and pearls and bits of love from Hawaii. They have a perfect beachy buzz. Check out all her fun events and online mischief.

Daniela Andrade “Biking” The keyboard and percussion parts the verses of “Biking” are so soft and subtle that it sounds like they’re nervously and very carefully tip-toeing around the vocal. This suits the lyrics perfectly, as Daniela Andrade is essentially confessing that she’s in love. She’s addressing the “you” that she’s fallen for, but I […]

La Femme “Clover Paradise” “Clover Paradise” would fit in very well on the What Was Schaffel? playlist I made earlier this year, which collected electro-glam music from the early 2000s. I’m a sucker for this aesthetic, particularly the way a severe grayish palette and ultra-precise shuffle beat complements a lusty, perverted vibe. It’s like the […]

Kelly Lee Owens “Dreamstate” There’s not a lot of lyrics to “Dreamstate” beyond variations on the phrases “feel the dreamstate” and “dream to live,” but Kelly Lee Owens gets a lot out of those words. It’s in the repetition, the re-arranging of the words, and how she seems to surf the waves of her synth […]

Ross needed to write software to integrate with a credit card payment gateway. The one his company chose was relatively small, and only served a handful of countries- but it covered the markets they cared about and the transaction fees were cheap. They used XML for data interchange, and while they had no published schema document, they did have some handy-dandy sample code which let you parse their XML messages.

$response = curl_exec($ch);
$authecode = fetch_data($response, '<authCode>', '</authCode>');
$responsecode = fetch_data($response, '<responsecode>', '</responsecode>');
$retrunamount = fetch_data($response, '<returnamount>', '</returnamount>');
$trxnnumber = fetch_data($response, '<trxnnumber>', '</trxnnumber>');
$trxnstatus = fetch_data($response, '<trxnstatus>', '</trxnstatus>');
$trxnresponsemessage = fetch_data($response, '<trxnresponsemessage>', '</trxnresponsemessage>');

Well, this looks… worrying. At first glance, I wonder if we're going to have to kneel before Z̸̭͖͔͂̀ā̸̡͖͕͊l̴̜͕͋͌̕g̸͉̳͂͊ȯ̷͙͂̐. What exactly does fetch_data actually do?

function fetch_data($string, $start_tag, $end_tag)
{

  $position = stripos($string, $start_tag);
  $str = substr($string, $position);
  $str_second = substr($str, strlen($start_tag));
  $second_positon = stripos($str_second, $end_tag);
  $str_third = substr($str_second, 0, $second_positon);
  $fetch_data = trim($str_third);
  return $fetch_data;
}

Phew, no regular expressions, just… lots of substrings. This parses the XML document with no sense of the document's structure- it literally just searches for specific tags, grabs whatever is between them, and calls it done. Nested tags? Attributes? Self-closing tags? Forget about it. Since it doesn't enforce that your open and closing tags match, it also lets you grab arbitrary (and invalid) document fragments- fetch_data($response, "<fooTag>", "<barTag>"), for example.

And it's not like this needs to be implemented from scratch- PHP has built-in XML parsing classes. We could argue that by limiting ourselves to a subset of XML (which I can only hope this document does) and doing basic string parsing, we've built a much simpler approach, but I suspect that after doing a big pile of linear searches through the document, we're not really going to see any performance benefits from this version- and maintenance is going to be a nightmare, as it's so fragile and won't work for many very valid XML documents.

It's always amazing when TRWTF is neither PHP nor XML but… whatever this is.

Some time ago, poor Keith found himself working on an antique Classic ASP codebase. Classic ASP uses VBScript, which is like VisualBasic 6.0, but worse in most ways. That's not to say that VBScript code is automatically bad, but the language certainly doesn't help you write clean code.

In any case, the previous developer needed to make an 8 element array to store some data. Traditionally, in VBScript, you might declare it like so:

Dim params(8)

That's the easy, obvious way a normal developer might do it.

Keith's co-worker did this instead:

Dim params : params = Split(",,,,,,,", ",")

Yes, this creates an array using the Split function on a string of only commas. 7, to be exact. Which, when split, creates 8 empty substrings.

We make fun of stringly typed data a lot here, but this is an entirely new level of stringly typed initialization.

We can only hope that this code has finally been retired, but given that it was still in use well past the end-of-life for Classic ASP, it may continue to lurk out there, waiting for another hapless developer to stumble into its grasp.

Originally theorized by Happy Hobbit, a music industry blog seems to confirm the song name.

While there is still no official confirmation from the studio, the folks over at Film Music Reporter seem to have found the song track title for a new Paris Paloma song attached to The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim:

English folk-pop artist Paris Paloma has recorded an original song for the upcoming anime feature The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim. The track, entitled The Rider, written by Phoebe Gittins (who co-wrote the project’s screenplay with Arty Papageorgiou and Jeffrey Addiss & Will Matthews) & composer David Long and performed by Paloma, will be featured in the movie.

Where is the Horse and The Rider

Paris Paloma is fresh on the music scene having released her first album earlier this year. Kellie from Happy Hobbit is a huge fan and in this TikTok posted a few months ago she speculated that Paloma was involved in The War of the Rohirrim. Just last week at NYCC, Executive Producer Philippa Boyens teased a great new song without revealing the artist. You can watch the full panel on our YouTube.

On this week's TORN Tuesday, Kellie explains who Paris Paloma is and why she is perfect to be involved in the story of Rohan's shieldmaidens. Segment starts at 1:17:00

In a new anniversary retrospective, creators of John Wick talk about how The Lord of the Rings inspired and is connected to the production of the huge action franchise.

Over at Indiewire, director Chad Stahelski talks about the Tolkien influence on John Wick:

"I’m a big Tolkien fan, and I’d always wanted to do a modern-day fantasy that scratched that itch so when this came along, it was the perfect hanger to put our coat on. I’d been trying to sell this idea of Greek mythology and underworlds but Tolkien was probably my favourite growing up [and a big influence]. I was fascinated by world creation. Add 10 years working with the Wachowskis, and I didn’t want to do a regular old action or assassin movie. I wanted something where we could have a little element of fantasy."

The LOTR Film Connection

That's not the only LOTR connection! Stahelski was the stunt double for Keanu Reeves on The Matrix, which was produced by Barrie Osborne before he jumped into producing the Lord of the Rings films with Peter Jackson (bringing Hugo Weaving with him).

Read the whole 10 year anniversary interview of John Wick over at Indiewire. This, naturally, prompts the question, what would a Chad Stahelski directed LOTR movie or Rings of Power episode look like? Discuss in our Discord!

The Regal North Hollywood is holding a showing of the new feature-length anime The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim from 1.00pm on this Saturday (November 9) open to children aged nine to 14, and their parents. It's not entirely clear whether adult-without-kids can also attend, but I took a few moments to run through their pre-booking survey and it does seem that you get screened out if you state you're attending without kids.

T&Cs also state that no-one under the age of nine will be admitted (presumably because of MPAA ratings).

If this tickles your fancy (and you have kids 9 to 14), you can reserve (free!) your tickets here.

If you're unaware of the story, The War of the Rohirrim is set many years before the events of The Lord of the Rings and follows a historic event described by J.R.R. Tolkien in Appendix A of the book. As the filmmakers describe it, "...a sudden attack by Wulf, a clever and ruthless Dunlending lord seeking vengeance for the death of his father, forces Helm Hammerhand, the King of Rohan, and his people to make a daring last stand in the ancient stronghold of the Hornburg."

The anime debuts worldwide (in most locations) on December 13.

Early free screening details

Saturday, November 9th, 2024
Regal North Hollywood
6150 Laurel Canyon Blvd # 200, North Hollywood, CA 91606

1:00 pm. Open to children 9-14 and their parents
No one under 9 will be admitted.
Check-in will begin 60 minutes before the start of the show.

RESERVE YOUR TICKETS

New York Comic Con was a wonderful place to be for Tolkien fans! Other than the excellent coverage by staffer greendragon who interviewed several of the creatives behind the upcoming The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim (look out for the videos on TORn's YouTube and socials), Kili from Happy Hobbit got to chat with some amazing Tolkien-inspired artists on the showroom floor. You can hear their stories below and be sure to check out the links to their amazing creations! Watch the episode.

Featured Artists:

GeekifyInc

Geek Orthodox

Najarian Art

Happy Hobbit has brought Middle-earth to its viewers' daily lives since 2012! Learn hobbity recipes, crafts, and more by watching new episodes and/or perusing the 10+ years worth of videos on their YouTube channel. ???? New episodes debut every other Saturday, so be sure you are subscribed to Happy Hobbit so that you don't miss out!

Get even more slow-living hobbit content by following Happy Hobbit on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok! If watching the show has left you with an appetite for more, know that Kili (Kellie) has a podcast where Tolkien is often mentioned called Forests, Folklore & Fantasy.

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