Ann ordered a beach theme cake, and asked the baker to write "Happy Birthday Lorenzo" on the ocean part.

She got this:

...which has to be the first time a literal LOL actually pales in comparison to the butchered name of the birthday boy.

Seriously, how do you turn "Lorenzo" into "Boricua"?? That's only two correct letters! Out of seven! Why... what... HOW....? [head explodes]

Ahem.

 

When a house warming party turns ominous:

[whisper] "Geeeeet OOOOUUUUUTTT!"

 

Deb wants to know if she's the only one who sees a Pumpkin man wearing a fig leaf on this cake:

Dear Deb,

NOPE.

Signed,
Everyone.

 

This next one is a Sports Ball thing, so allow me to translate for my fellow sports neophytes: Apparently the Royals (a Sports Ball "team") are sometimes known as the "Boys in Blue."

But after today, that's not ALL they'll be known as:

HEYOOOOOOOOO

 

"VICTORIAN LACE"

Bakers, I do not think it means what you think it means.

 

And finally,

Ordering a company logo on a cake can be daunting, but luckily for Will R., the Michael Kors logo is literally just the letters MK.

And yet...

Where there's a Will, there's a way to wreck Will's manager's cake.

 

Thanks to Ann F., Brady T., Deb B., Sarah F., Terri C., & Will R. for giving his manager the perfect excuse to throw up his/her hands in disgust and cry, "I'M SURROUNDED BY LITTLE MK'S!"

*****

'Tis the season for PSLs, and now your furry friend can have one, too!

Starbarks Pumpkin Spice Latte Plush Toy

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

I know we've all been tempted sometimes, minions, but these people actually did it.

UP TOP!

ON THE TRAY!

IN THE FLAY!

Er, flag. She meant flag. But I guess this works.

And extra credit to the teacher who did NOT tell her baker where to stick it, but instead handed over a notepad with all her kids' names on it, so the baker could just copy them on to the cake.

Sadly, the baker stuck it anyway:

Right where the sun won't shine!

(You know, because they're inside.)

Thanks to Annie, Trinity L., Kaye P., & Molly H. for teaching us all a lesson on following directions.

Also teachers, if you're looking for a new notepad, I'm really liking these:

Everything Is Fine Notepads

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

It may not be rain on your wedding day, but these cakes are still a little too ironic.

[grabbing microphone]

HIT IT!

 

It's like loving journalism

... but not kerning!

It's a "good job"

that needs some learning.

It's the winner's cake

that SHOULD be burning!

And who would have thought? It figures!

It's calling someone "dumb"

When you can't spell the word

It's trying to show you care

While giving a beautiful turd

Heh.

And isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Thanks to Tracey, Julie, Dorothy S., Tony W., & Stacey, who really DO think.

 *****

Hang on, you know what ELSE has delicious irony? A fully armed and operational battle station with an exposed exhaust port.

Death Star Waffle Iron

Thanks to this waffle iron, you can recreate the Death Star's catastrophic destruction every morning with butter and syrup. Nomz. Just remember: Use the forks.

If you’ve noticed CloudFlare verifying that you’re human, that’s because I had to enable extra security because of a DDOS attack. I also woke up to 1500+ spam email messages sent through contact forms on the site, too. The poor server is having A Time of it. At least it’s not Tuesday, I guess? Then I’d have all those dildos to contend with. (Also: every time I see that cover, my brain wants to read … Continue reading Just a Little DDOS Fun, Dildos, and Finding the Mystery Cowboy →

This HaBO comes from Kiruthika, who is trying to find this Mills & Boon romance. Content warning for mentions of abuse and rape: It’s a 70s or 80s Mills and Boon that my mom had that I sneakily read as a 12 year old! The cover was white with a couple embracing, fair haired woman and darker haired man. He’s described to be lion like in movement and has tawny eyes. I remember that part … Continue reading HaBO: He’s Described as a Lion with Tawny Eyes →

It’s time! Smart Bitches After Dark is open to everyone for registration! You can register now! Come on in, the mayhem is delightful! You might have seen our first After Dark posts go up the past two Sundays, with a link to register, but this is the Official Announcement. Mostly because I used Capital Letters. We already have over 100 members of the community registered, and it’s going to be a LOT of fun. You can … Continue reading Smart Bitches After Dark is Open for Registration! →

Tara Scott, staff writer at SBTB and co-host of the Queerly Recommended podcast, is in the interviewer’s chair, asking Amanda and me questions about Smart Bitches After Dark, our new community support wing. We talk about what After Dark is, and also about the larger enshittification of different parts of the internet, and how we navigate that as a 20 year old blog. Yay blogs! I was really nervous about being interviewed, and I hope … Continue reading 638. Smart Bitches After Dark – Tara interviews Sarah & Amanda →

Welcome back to Get Rec’d! This time around, I have a couple younger reads: a picture book and a graphic novel. I’ve also include some nonfiction and horror. Look, we’re knee deep in spooky season, so I had to include a seasonal recommendation, though you’ll catch me recommending spooky books all year round. Do you have any books you’d like to recommend? Or any slam dunk recommendations you’ve received lately? Let us know!

Welcome back to Wednesday Links! Tomorrow is Halloween and wow the end of October really snuck up on us. Does anyone have any fun Halloween plans or just wants to share their fun costume ideas? Last year, I was a hot dog and plan to recycle the costume. But as an added bonus, I bought our little kitty Fig a matching hot dog suit. Feel free to take bets on whether I’ll be able to … Continue reading Links: Architecture, Genre Chaos, & More →

Hi! This Rec League request is from me (Amanda) and I thought it was a good tie-in for Halloween. I was thinking about how much I enjoyed Slouch Witch when we recently featured it on sale. I loved the flip of having a main character who felt mediocre in their magic or honestly was happy doing the bare minimum. It was a refreshing departure from the “chosen one” stories that I mainly see out there.  … Continue reading The Rec League: Lazy Witches →

There is a huge list of amazing Kindle Daily Deals, so I decided to just go overboard in listing some highlights. 

Kim is a longtime SBTB reader. She writes boring professional documents by day to fund her ever-growing TBR pile, which is currently overflowing with T. Kingfisher, mystery thrillers, and MM romance. Everything she knows about hockey, she learned from queer love stories or the Mighty Ducks franchise. … Recently, I’ve been on an M/M hockey romance binge (and let me just say “queer romance” + “professional hockey” is the Reese’s “you got your peanut butter … Continue reading Season’s Change by Cait Nary →

This HaBO request is from Delia, who is trying to help a friend find this book: The heroine is an astronaut or scientist on a fairly normal space travel mission, but ends up either back in time, forward in the future, or in an alternate universe. My friend is confident it’s the same planet, but it has an ancient-yet-futuristic civilization. It’s very metaphysical: crystals, prophetic visions, etc. They don’t remember any plot details, but the … Continue reading HaBO: Anti-Gravity Nipple Pasties →

Lucy Jane Wood’s debut book, Rewitched, is out, and we connected to talk all things cozy, witchcraft, all the different 90s witches in pop culture, and the big feelings around turning an age with a zero on the end. Ultimately, this is a book about a person who wants to keep her own power – a theme I could certainly celebrate! Lucy Jane is also a TikToker and YouTuber with a sizeable following, so we … Continue reading 640. Cozy Witchcraft with Lucy Jane Wood →

Welcome back to Get Rec’d! Half of today’s books were recommend to me by colleagues and friends, and I wanted to pass them along to you. I think that’s what I love so much about having a personal bookish community, especially one where everyone has their niches. What book recommendations have you received recently? Do you also have your own wonderful bookish circles in your personal life?

A good day to be Willow

Tolerability

(it was TS Eliot)

I was laughing the whole time I was drawing that last panel

Liz is A-tier imho

put those down, Moray

Gencon is this week! I will be at booth 1237! Come say hi and buy some stuff! WOO

Roko I know you're worried but I don't think that would be survivable

And the elbows

it's probably fine

She's just got a chunk of her butt missing now

remember when Steve bought a boat?

don't worry it's non-alcoholic bitters

and if she was a catgirl she'd be a necro-nepo-neko-baby

PICKLED

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