October is Pizza Month, minions, so this is a great time to go over a few reminders.

 Ahem hem hem.

Bakers, repeat after me.

"Pizza crust is not shiny."


Bakers repeating en masse: "Pizza crust is not shiny."

"Pizza crust is not held aloft by piles of poop."

"Pizza crust is not held aloft by piles of poop."

"If people can't tell my cakes are supposed to be pizzas, then I should stop making pizza cakes."

"If people can't..."

Bakers' Spokesperson, interrupting: "But what if we printed the pizza on the cake?"

::brief silence::

"No."

"What if we make the cake a slice of pizza?"

"NO."

"What if we made the cake brownies instead of cake?"

"HOW IS THAT BETTER"

"Ok, ok, fine. We won't make pizza cake."

"Excellent! Wait. Why am I suddenly nervous?"

"BOOYAH!!!!"

::sigh::

"I'm out."

Thanks to Anony M.,  Robyn, Heidi L., Carole D., Anony M., & Bartley I., for giving us a hand. Also are those pickles? Because I would totally eat pickles on pizza. Just me? 

*****
Here's an extra toasty way to celebrate Pizza Month:

Double-Sided Pizza Throw Blanket

It's hard to put a price on a blanket that makes you believe you ARE a pizza, but apparently the going rate is about $27. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Happy Halloween, minions! Let’s go out with a bang, shall we? :D

Bakeries get a lot of leeway this time of year, since Halloween is supposed to have ugly gross stuff:

 

But there's raspberry jam soaked zombie faces, and then there's... uh... this:

Took me a solid minute to figure it out:

A banana shooting laser beams.

(I am SO GOOD AT THIS, you guys.)

 

Yep, bakers are once again trying to collectively punk the world, churning out ridiculous Halloween designs each more baffling than the last:

Aliens? Amoebas?
This guy?

 

I actually see this design a lot:

The angry toilet paper has sprouted arms, and is pulling itself to freedom.

 

While this roll vows revenge on airbrushes everywhere:

"I am not 'pretty,' I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?"

 

Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident.
Because if THAT doesn't say "Happy Halloween"... then don't worry 'cuz the board does:

 

For some reason ghost sperm are always a big seller this time of year:

They look kinda confused, though, right?
Like they can't tell if they're coming or going.

[HEYO.]

 

Also confused? Me, after looking at this thing:

They managed to get icing absolutely everywhere except on top of the cupcakes.
Now that's scary.

 

And finally, a possessed stove burner:

Because haunted appliances are SO hot right now.

("It burns. IT BURRRRNS!")

 Have fun tonight, gang! Remember, this is the one night of the year when it’s OK to have candy for dinner, so take FULL advantage.

There's a ghost of a chance Brittany D., Carrie, Ginny V., Karen S., Megan S., Karrie T., Jennifer K., Jennifer R., & Shannon T. will be ordering out tonight. You're welcome, ladies!

******

P.S. Today's TP ghost cakes led me to the best home accessory ever:

THIS, my friends, is a "Talking Toilet Paper Spindle." You record your own message, which it will play back when your guests spin the roll. [rubbing hands together evilly] I can't wait to use this baby at our next Christmas party.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Fall is officially upon us here in Florida, as evidenced by the fact that it's a blustery 78 degrees outside tonight. (Don't worry; I've already broken out the scarves, sweaters, furry boots, and electric blanket, just to be safe.)

The other way you can tell it's Fall, though - besides all the Floridians in snowsuits - is the fall-tastical offerings in our nation's bakeries:

It's a...um...leaf. 

I think.

Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else.

Because nothing says, "MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!!!" like a Hay Beast with peek-a-boo breasticles.

 (HAY-O!)

 Well, except maybe the Bell-Bottomed Scare Bear of Perpetual Perplexity:

He's Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Stayin' Alive.

Oooh, and if your birthday happens to fall during Fall, then you also have these fun options:

Thanks to this cake and John's alarmingly comprehensive knowledge of slang words, I now know that "nut" is also a verb.

I don't recommend looking it up.

Here's one for our pyromaniac fans:

My deer, you are on FIRE tonight!

Also, I think I'd have that lump checked out. Just sayin'.

And finally, this bakery helpfully reminds us that Fall is "Harevet Time"

  So get those bunnies in for their yearly check-ups ASAP, hear?

Thanks to Kiki, Nancy M., Addie H., Sarah T., Bevin, Tanya S., & Shelley for the nice trips.

It may not be rain on your wedding day, but these cakes are still a little too ironic.

[grabbing microphone]

HIT IT!

 

It's like loving journalism

... but not kerning!

It's a "good job"

that needs some learning.

It's the winner's cake

that SHOULD be burning!

And who would have thought? It figures!

It's calling someone "dumb"

When you can't spell the word

It's trying to show you care

While giving a beautiful turd

Heh.

And isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Thanks to Tracey, Julie, Dorothy S., Tony W., & Stacey, who really DO think.

 *****

Hang on, you know what ELSE has delicious irony? A fully armed and operational battle station with an exposed exhaust port.

Death Star Waffle Iron

Thanks to this waffle iron, you can recreate the Death Star's catastrophic destruction every morning with butter and syrup. Nomz. Just remember: Use the forks.

Hello, everyone! We have a slightly different Rec League this week. On a bonus episode of the podcast, which we release for SBTB Podcast Patreon members, Sarah asked me to come up with some fall gaming recs. Well, I definitely overdid it and had twenty in a matter of ten minutes. Most of these are cozy games, with a couple of exceptions. If you are a fellow cozy gamer, allow me to plug Wholesome Games. … Continue reading The Rec League: Video Games for Fall →

This piece of literary mayhem is exclusive to Smart Bitches After Dark, but fret not. If you'd like to join, we'd love to have you! Have a look at our membership options, and come join the fun! If you want to have a little extra fun, be a little more yourself, and be part of keeping the site open for everyone in the future, we can’t wait to see you in our new subscription-based section … Continue reading Sunday Sale Digest! →

Happy Tuesday! A bit of a bite-sized Hide Your Wallet this week, with one release leftover from late last week that I neglected to include. I can hardly believe October is nearly over! Time to consult my November TBR pile, so it doesn’t sneak up on me. Which releases are you excited about this week? Let us know in the comments!

Here is a news report that absolutely dropped my jaw: the Tribal Alliance Against Frauds (TAAF) has released a report that debut romance author Colby Wilkens, whose bio says she is of Choctaw and Cherokee descent, has no Native ancestry.  The TAAF “is an intertribal anti-fraud non-profit whistleblower organization comprised of allies and citizens of Tribes whose sovereignty has been formally acknowledged.” Wilkens is the author of If I Stopped Haunting You, which released last week … Continue reading Tribal Alliance Against Frauds Says Colby Wilkens is Not Indigenous →

This piece of literary mayhem is exclusive to Smart Bitches After Dark, but fret not. If you'd like to join, we'd love to have you! Have a look at our membership options, and come join the fun! If you want to have a little extra fun, be a little more yourself, and be part of keeping the site open for everyone in the future, we can’t wait to see you in our new subscription-based section … Continue reading Sunday Sale Digest! →

Amazon has many pages of fantasy and sci-fi novels on sale today! Check out the full list here.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Rachael: I have so many questions: Does she not want him to save her from what looks to be an alligator? Is that alligator okay? His hips seem off. Should his gun be that close to the water? Why are they casually having a moment in this clearly dangerous water??!! Did they keep their shoes on? Sarah: She’s a shifter. So is the gator. That’s her brother and she … Continue reading Cover Snark: Reptiles are an Unintentional Theme →

Happy Tuesday! It’s a short and sweet release week for us at SBTB HQ! For us, there are only three books that make the list this week. From here on out, things seem to slow down a little bit as we approach the end of the year and the major holiday season. What books are on your list this week? Let us know in the comments!

This HaBO request is from Katharina, who is hoping to find this romance from 80s: Unfortunately I remember very little, but I’d love to find this book again. It was a slim Regency Romance (could have been Category) with a pastel colored cover (soft yellow/pink). The heroine is the ward of the hero, or he’s a family friend. She gets kissed against her will and flees to his house. They sit in his library and … Continue reading HaBO: They Have a Kissing Talk in the Library →

This piece of literary mayhem is exclusive to Smart Bitches After Dark, but fret not. If you'd like to join, we'd love to have you! Have a look at our membership options, and come join the fun! If you want to have a little extra fun, be a little more yourself, and be part of keeping the site open for everyone in the future, we can’t wait to see you in our new subscription-based section … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Some of the Latest Cover Re-Designs →

There is a huge list of amazing Kindle Daily Deals, so I decided to just go overboard in listing some highlights. 

The Gift Guides officially start on Wednesday, but I wanted to post this ASAP so – quick and early gift guide! NB: some links in this and future gift guides include affiliate links which send a portion of your purchase back to us at no extra cost to you. You’re not required to use our links, and thank you in advance if you do. There is a gift with purchase from now until 11/11 at … Continue reading I Need to Tell Y’all About this Lego Set →

This piece of literary mayhem is exclusive to Smart Bitches After Dark, but fret not. If you'd like to join, we'd love to have you! Have a look at our membership options, and come join the fun! If you want to have a little extra fun, be a little more yourself, and be part of keeping the site open for everyone in the future, we can’t wait to see you in our new subscription-based section … Continue reading Sunday Sale Digest! →

Welcome back to Hide Your Wallet! Just a small handful of books for us this week. I also wouldn’t blame publishers if they decided to bump release weeks to another Tuesday. We have dark fairytales, cozy fantasy, ponies, and more! Which books are on your radar this week? Let us know what’s on your TBR pile!

We’re back with your, and our, weekly Gift Guides! Every Wednesday until the week before Christmas (AND Hanukkah?!) we’ll be sharing links, suggestions, and ideas for holiday gifts. We want to hear yours, too! For our first Gift Guide, we wanted to share some book subscription boxes that are making us VERY happy, especially those that are from small independent booksellers. NB: some links in this and future gift guides include affiliate links which send … Continue reading Gift Guide 2024: Subscription Boxes – Especially Book Boxes! →

This piece of literary mayhem is exclusive to Smart Bitches After Dark, but fret not. If you'd like to join, we'd love to have you! Have a look at our membership options, and come join the fun! If you want to have a little extra fun, be a little more yourself, and be part of keeping the site open for everyone in the future, we can’t wait to see you in our new subscription-based section … Continue reading Sunday Sale Digest! →

Brat Benatar

Clinton is helping

Tolerability

the quest reward isn't even that good

two girls, a guy, and a robot, sitting on a couch, playing video games. it's 2002 babey

pizza up in da club

it's a boob joke

do not perceive her

And the elbows

nice grimace, Tai

PICKLED

Full Article